For the Love of Marx!: A Badge Arcade Update

Written February 14th, 2018.

What a labor of love to give on Valentine's Day. A virtually useless trinket that will probably be forgotten when either badges are totally discontinued or the 3DS itself breaks down and isn't replaced. Yet I still did it. I still got my Marx.

Let's take this back a step to what I'm actually talking about.

A few days ago I decided to download the Badge Arcade again to see if anything had changed since the last time I played. You can still find my review of the Badge Arcade near release, but now it was time to review the Badge Arcade near death. What I found was semi-surprising.

The Badge Arcade has changed now so that you get two free tries daily whether you win the practice game or not. This is already a vast improvement to the possibility of not getting a try at all. After all, most good badges will take more than two tries to get anyway, so throwing out a bone is a good idea.

The badges also recycle daily now. Which is also a good thing, since the Arcade's biggest problem always was that the badges took days to recycle. However, there is a double edged sword. Every time you open the arcade- or the three days I did- I opened to a familiar layout of badges.

Pokemon, both pixel and cartoon, animal crossing, vague ones from more unknown games, some sort of Kirby, and classic Mario badges are always there, and a majority of the time they are rather bland. I think they might not do holiday badges either, as I remember a year they did Valentine's Day ones and they didn't do those today

Now I did do a little research and found out that the Badge Arcade effectively discontinued last year. Such as, they were no longer producing new badges. If this is the case, they could've at least recycled old Valentine's Day badges. As it is, two of the days I was almost totally unmotivated on which badges I wanted to try for.

Briefly touching back on the discontinuing; I never even heard of it happening until now. I'm surprised that not someone or somewhere in my vicinity ever said something about it. In a way, it is a shame, because the Badge Arcade seems like it wouldn't be too hard to add new badges. Especially when a large majority of those badges are just Pokemon. Ah well, life goes on.

Though this loss of new badges is a detriment. While they give out plays so much easier, the badges are no longer worth playing for. For those two days, I collected badges that would never go anywhere except for my badge bank.

...And then there was Marx.

(He's the top right one.)

I've got this thing for jesters. I love jester characters, I love jester attire, I'm currently writing a novel about a jester, and even video game jesters usually fall into my category of unhealthy obsession. Marx is one of those characters. I used to write fanfictions about him, I voted for him to be in Brawl, and even to this day I shamelessly await the next Marx cameo.

So when I saw that badge, the only tempting badge, sitting in the Arcade... I knew I had to have it. It was what I came back for- The chance to retrieve one of my favorite characters in badge form. I wanted me some Marx.

I have seen a Marx badge before- or I think I might have. I swear I saw a Marx with his wings folded in long ago, but I couldn't find it in the badge list, so maybe I imagined this. I thought it was in one of those awful catchers with a hammer or a poker or something. This one, indeed, was in one of the terribly ineffective bomb catchers. It did not matter; I wanted Marx.

In case you aren't aware, Badge Arcade loves to hide its best badges in these other types of cranes; bomb, hammer, and poker. Bomb only works if you have something small and close to the edge, (which Marx was neither). Hammer only really works if there's ice or if there's a lot of badges, and even then it tends to glitch and swing early. Then there's poker... Never have gotten it to work. The thing still has a stopping delay which means that you cannot be precise. I got semi-lucky with bomb, but that didn't mean I had a good chance.

So, I did the usual deal. I tried both daily tries and a third practice catcher tries, but Marx was pretty determined not to move. I decided to check and see if I had money in my account... Shockingly, I did. I think it's leftover from when I purchased Oracle of Seasons and Ages, leaving me with a dollar and some change. I sat there contemplating if Marx was worth it.

...To be fair, no. These badges are not worth money.
I did it anyway.

In my defense, I only did it largely because I didn't think I would be able to use that dollar on anything else now that it had sat in the 3DS shop for a year or two. It wasn't going anywhere and for all intents and purposes, it was already used a long time ago. It was more a credit than an actual value.

A few moments later and I had my five tries. It took two of those to get my Marx. I was moderately surprised that he came so easily, but then I found out why.

With some leftover tries, I tried the next Kirby badge machine and almost got all of them. When I was going for a badge, the crane slipped, slid down the badge and grabbed a different one. While great for me, I realized that this was odd, as usually the crane comes to a dead stop and refuses to move if it brushed anything.

It took me all of two seconds to realize that collecting badges became dramatically easier once I had 'purchased' those games. Nice. I mean, I'm glad that I got a sure win, but something about that makes me uneasy. The 'easier' games seemed to work their physics better, so does that mean that the game's physics are purposefully stiffened to coax people into buying?

I think the obvious answer is yes. Still more fair than a real crane game- unless it has a payout rate too- and I came out with something. Even if that something is practically non-existent and is only there to look pretty when I open my 3DS. I wouldn't have done it for anyone except Marx.

Thus, dear Marx, you are my Valentine this year. As I delete the Badge Arcade and say farewell to it for good, I will still have you as a token of my time with it. Years(?) of playing and then I finally cave and pay, all for you, so that you may stare at me every time I open my 3DS.

Rest in Valentines, Badge Arcade. You were flawed, but not forgotten... Or not forgotten forever.

Sylvio 2: When a Sequel Fails

I will not lie, Sylvio 2's biggest weak point is the ending, but I will get into that later as I have a few colorful words for it. While I originally intended to ramble about how a story could fall apart, this whole experience taught me something much different than that. Not only did it make me appreciate what Sylvio did so much more, but it made me see that sometimes good things don't need sequels.

(Pictures used from Youtube)

Sylvio is a flawed game, but a good game nonetheless. In fact, the positives of Sylvio manage to push it just enough past said flaws that it is able to hold its own. Everything that Sylvio does wrong is counteracted by something it does right, and in a time where the indie market of horror games was in dismay, Sylvio had just enough love to make it something worth experiencing.

In case you don't know, Sylvio's story involved the main character, Juliette, investigating the haunting and mystery behind an old park that had been the site of a horrific accident. The island is covered in red fog and everyone on it is gone, but using EVP equipment Juliette is able to find out the truth, and figure out why so many spirits are trapped in the 'tunnel'. 

As I said before, Sylvio counteracts itself well. While the graphics aren't the best, they do well enough for a sense of immersion. The locations are all somewhat different and the failing structures do bring around the sensation of being in a broken land. The red fog both helps the atmosphere and clouds the loss of finer details. While it is clear that some corners are cut, Sylvio took advantage of what it did have, and it did make an unnerving world.

There was also a mechanic where you could drive in a car to various locations, and control the car while you do it. While this seems unimportant now, this is very important in Sylvio 2's citique. The mini driving sections are just another part of the journey, but they do succeed in making the island feel at least a little more connected.

The EVP moments are brilliant. Finding voices is a fun mechanic and discovering some of the creepy things that can be said helps the experience. I remember I got chills when in one scene a ghost said, "Down the Hatch." I don't even remember why I found this so unsettling, but in the moment you will truly feel that connection. There's also seances, which allow you to learn about other characters who died in the park. There's a mix of sympathy and fear towards these beings. You don't need to find all recordings, but you might be interested enough to do so.

The gun and the black mass.

There's also a small combat system where you use a potato gun and nails to fight off these dark spheres and enormous spirits. The combat system is a little weak, but it's passable, and there is a sort of unnerving factor the first time a black blob comes through a wall and beelines towards you. Again, it's passable, but it is its replacement in the second game that makes it important- which I'll get into. Really, the combat and the car are just extra stuff, as are the collectibles, but it does give the game more meat.

The story of Sylvio does some things really well, but has a little bit of a confusing backstory and a somewhat cohesive ending. The ending isn't bad, you'll understand it when watching it, but it does do the usual thing of being somewhat vague. I won't spoil this game's ending, because Sylvio deserves that disclosure. It's one of those stories that if you take at face value and try not to decode the lore then you'll be better off, and has a more concrete feel than something like the usual lore bait games.

The most important part in Sylvio's story is that it knows what it is. You go in for mystery and for the paranormal, and that's exactly what you get back. 

The only critique that I absolutely do not agree with is Juliette's voice. I've heard some people say that it breaks the game for them, but if you're willing to cast aside a game for voice acting... Then I'd say only about 5% of games on the market are playable, because I've seen too many games where the voice acting is laughable. Or, in contrast, games like Sonic Boom where the voice acting is fine and the gameplay is laughable.

Inside an shack, recording a voice.

Mini rant aside there, Sylvio isn't the best horror game out there, but it does well considering what it is. It's enjoyable, it gets some spooks, it has a decent length, and the EVP mechanic is really fresh. Sylvio is a good game for what it is and does well on those merits.

Sylvio 2 ignores what made Sylvio such a creatively interesting game and tries too hard to cling to the modern horror game. Its identity starts to slip, its gameplay takes a hitch, some things are replaced with lesser versions of themselves, and while some of the creepiness is there... The ending suddenly loses all credibility.

I'm spoiling the ending at the end of this, so this is your only warning. Part of me does recommend that you watch the game's playthrough- it's only about half the length of Sylvio- and witness it for yourself. It's bad, but it's also so colorfully nonsensical, so poorly planned, that you may want to watch the game- you must watch the full game to get the real impact of it- that it's worth experiencing.

Let's start our overview of Sylvio 2. I will leave out my thoughts on the prototype on everything except the metal detector, which I will get into later.

In Sylvio 2, Juliette travels from island to island and climbs down into this black, hardened substance that looks like hardened lava to find the houses underneath. There, she does EVPs to communicate with ghosts, trying to get coordinates to continue on her quest to find her boyfriend Jonathan and Captain Walter, whose been messaging her and whose boat she's using.

The EVP is still there and is still good enough. There are a few good scares in the game and some unnerving statements from ghosts. There was even a good 'Down the Hatch' moment: "That's not Ruth." There's also a video aspect as well that is sometimes used and occasionally works well, but seems massively underutilized.

The seances have been changed so that you come back repeatedly to question a ghost. Sometimes it works, sometimes it's padding. This is extremely obvious in the hotel level when many of the ghosts say variations of the same thing, dragging out the story in the wrong way. The stories of the people almost seem more cohesive, but some of them towards the end falter massively.

...Okay, I knew I said that I wouldn't address the prototype, but the fully fleshed out story section in the prototype is leveled to a footnote, but is shortened so much that it doesn't make much sense. If not for the prototype, I wouldn't have any idea what is supposed to be going on.

Also, the metal detector is used wonderfully in the demo. In the full game it's used once, in a house, and the animation is missing... In fact, a full functioning inventory is also missing in comparison to the first game. This isn't too problematic... But that's because Juliette no longer picks up items to solve puzzles with. That aspect of the game is also gone and, while not a big piece, it does make the game feel moderately more barren.

Sometimes in the game, you'll get hallucinations of a tunnel in these recordings. I won't address it just yet, but these tunnel visions are the best evidence that Sylvio's ending was changed.

So, back to the game. Instead of a car, you have a ship this time around, which allows you to move from island to island, but you can't control it once you take off. You can skip the moments of sailing, which I recommend, because there's no reason to be invested in watching the sea. The game never hides anything for you to sightsee on the way. There's other islands to stop at, but they're mostly for collecting keys.

The combat is gone and because of it, Sylvio feels unnaturally short compared to the first game. Even though you can call the combat padding, the combat was interesting enough and rewarded you with pieces of the story and collectables. The lack of it makes you feel like you're zipping through the game way too fast, because nothing breaks up the pace at all. This... Isn't really a good thing.

Juliette's voice is fine. That is not the reason to avoid this game.

All in all, Sylvio 2 feels shorter, feels rushed towards the end, and comes off as a less cohesive story. There isn't one over-arcing storyline... Or, at least, not an obvious one until the end. It doesn't really build to the game's ending, which is a trainwreck... So, let's get into it.

Juliette finally finds the lighthouse where she finds Walter and Jonathan's bodies. They point her to the lighthouse and she climbs it and gets out of the black rock again. This would've been a big revelation if not, you know, Juliette climbing out of the mass repeatedly in the game, meaning that this isn't much of a reveal.

Then she walks up on the answer to everything in the game. The truth surrounding all of this struggle.

(No, Juliette. It's an absolute nightmare.)

Aliens. 

This game about ghosts and EVP ends with aliens taking Juliette into outer space to live on a colony with other humans. Revealing that Juliette's entire journey was to help free an alien and give it coordinates to find her and take her into outer space.

See, the Earth was cocooned when the balance of light and dark was shifted- a light leak as it were, and Juliette's been living on Earth for 175 years since the cocooning, and is the last living human. The alien, Celene, has come to take her away, to save the rest of the human species.

...Does this make any sense? Short answer, no. It's like a bad leap in assumptions forced together to make an incomplete story sound finished. (Lore bait.) The game suggests that Juliette's actions in the first game caused the light leak, but it doesn't really make sense.

Why did the aliens cocoon the world to save the human race when cocooning killed many humans?
How was Juliette able to live 175 years sleeping? Even if the gas from the first game gave her a longer life, how did it keep her alive without food and water, without anyone finding her, without her body getting crushed, or suffocating, and without waking up? Why on Earth would aliens and ghosts be shoved together so clumsily?

Remember I said that I thought the ending was changed? Well, I have evidence of this. Throughout most of the game, Juliette gets these visions of a tunnel. Towards the end, when everything gets rushed and shortened, these tunnel images suddenly change to the image of a door. The door appears later, as does a short tunnel, but it just leads to what is technically a lever to activate progression.

I believe that the UFO ending came late into development. The tunnel, the blame from the ghosts, the inability to escape; it seems obvious that the original ending was going to have Juliette trapped in the 'tunnel'. I.E. the tunnel in the first game, the throat, which trapped the spirits in limbo. What I think happened is one of two things. Either he ran out of time and rushed together whatever ending he could, or he thought the ending was too predictable and changed it.

Either way, it's jarring, and not in a good way. It takes you out of the immersion of the game and drags you back onto Earth, where you just played through one of the worst Shyamalan twists in existence. It's just bad. It's the twist in Dropsy, and yet that game pulled it off. The ending to the first game was somewhat confusing, but this- this thing deserves a medal. This is royally screwed.

Before you say, "And you can do better?" Yes. Anyone can do better, but I'm going to do better right now.

Sylvio 2: Rewritten Ending/Story

Prologue happens as before, except that Jonathan's coming first to wait for her. We're suddenly in Juliette's body as she's going through the apartments that are surrounded by rocks. Eventually, she leaves the apartments, but the world is dark and the sky is thick with clouds. She travels around the area going into other buried buildings. 

It's unclear at the time what the black stuff is, but multiple ghosts mention a loud 'bang'. Some of the ghosts mercilessly blame Juliette for something she did, but she presses on to find Jonathan because she's been talking with Captain Walter.

Finally, she makes it to the the lighthouse where she finds Jonathan and Walter. She begs Jonathan for forgiveness, who says that there's nothing to be sorry for and that she must use the lighthouse to escape, and to never come back here. Juliette agrees and climbs the lighthouse, coming out above the 'clouds'. 

Turns out, she's been underneath hardened lava the entire game. Her boyfriend came to the island and she was supposed to arrive on a second ferry. However, the volcano on the island erupted and covered the island in this quick hardening substance. (Maybe even mention that the unnatural practices on the island, referencing Sylvio 1, caused the nature on the island to run amuck.)

Those who didn't die instantly lived under the flows shortly, but then died soon afterwards. Juliette found a way underneath the cocoon and has been searching, hoping that Jonathan was still alive, and blaming herself for not being there when the volcano erupted.

In the end, Juliette steps out on the flows and brings out her radio, finally able to contact help to come get her. She now knows she must continue trying to help spirits to make up for what she's done, and the game ends on a hopeful note and a possible sequel.

I wrote that in about five minutes. It's not perfect, but it's cohesive. It may be a little more predictable, but it's logical. It isn't hard to give a game a twist, but I truly believe that you have to go out of your way to give a game like Sylvio 2 a twist this laughably bad.

In the end though, Sylvio's story is only one part of its issues. The fact that the game has been stripped down to bear minimum is also problematic. The original Sylvio was quirky, but it was this quirkiness that gave it enough character to stand out from the menagerie of horror games where a character walks around and learns stuff through short notes- or in this case, voices. 

Sylvio 2 has lost all of that character. The graphics are updated, but look so much more bland. The muted color of the first game, which held a rust hue, now has been muted further, with a grey hue. The fleshed out nature of the ghosts is alright in the beginning, but starts to taper off later in the game, and the last section in the farm is a completely unfinished mess. Ironic, since it was basically finished in the prototype.

While there are some brief edits to explain aliens, the story structure suffers from that letdown ending. With the gameplay simplified to support the story alone, there's not much else to hold up the game, and virtually no replay-ability from what I can see at first glance.

What a shame! I was so excited to see Sylvio 2, especially after how much I loved the first game, but I feel like the sequel relied too heavily on what was easy and standard in current indie horror games. That caused it to plummet into something much more unfortunate; a stiff retread with a bad ending.

Before I go, it's time to rehash an old joke and refuse creativity. Just like this game did.

"Who are the Allens, and why are they out of spice?"

I swear if there's a 9 sequel and it ends with aliens, then I'm giving up on sanity forever.

The End of Suburbia, Suburbia 2 Update (11/18/17)

Finally, after all this time, Suburbia has been shut down. From my knowledge it isn't from the questionable actions either, but as they quote, 'technology changes on Facebook'. They might of had to actually update the game. As of October 7, 2017 (without alerting players to what I know) the game was shut down.

Now, going to the game brings up this page. Along with a link to the 'new' Suburbia 2.

So... The game was going to go out eventually. After years of no updates, farming rubies off of people, it quietly killed itself in the night... Which means those who wasted rubies have lost everything. Up until the last day people probably could have purchased rubies for nothing.

Even in the last leg of its life, Suburbia managed to scam someone. Now that's drama!

Since I'm here anyway, I decided to do an update on Suburbia 2. Who knows, maybe they got the spice situation under control.

My experience:

I started the game to find that virtually nothing has changed on first viewing, except for a newspaper to watch videos for rewards. I'm then asked to buy a bread maker, which I do, and to make bread, which takes four flour and ten minutes of my time. I fill a few orders... But there's no chemical feedback.

See, games like this are made to stimulate you chemically. You get the hormones pumping, the dopamine kicks in, and you feel like these mindless things are worth something. Apparently Suburbia 2 is broken, because the gameplay isn't enough to bring that feeling around. If anything, it's even less rewarding than it was the last time I played it.

There is a new display to sell extra product, but I don't know how this works. I assume it's something that goes through friends or is time sensitive, which would make it worthless to me either way. Estate Expansion is still 'coming soon', which seems like a bad sign already. Though there is a new, maybe, Gazebo that unlocks at level 20.

I then notice that I'm being called for 'Mine Disaster'? I head to Carrie's house for a designated portion of story. We talk for two or three seconds and then the 'quest' is over. I wouldn't really consider this a quest.

Then, as though this can't get any better, the game glitches out on me. An arrow point to 'Return Home', but won't let me click it. Clicking anything else says 'Please complete the task first', so I am in a relentless loop. At this point I just gave up.

In short:

If Suburbia 2 has been updated, it's with small, meaningless trinkets that don't fix the gameplay or story in any way. Though I didn't play too long, because the game also managed to bore me to tears and then glitched out. That itself is nearly unforgivable for a game that's been out this long.

Though there are new episodes... But with episodes like this, they aren't anything to be proud of. Literally two paragraphs of typed conversation accounts for 'story', so I'm not going to praise them for not abandoning their game. (Yet)

The game is also fraught with bugs that I didn't see. Common complaints have involved the inability to log in, the mail box, not getting rewards from videos, blank screens, and yes, I saw a few people still complaining about the spice. In short, Suburbia 2 is just as broken as before, just in different ways.

It also still lacks a real backbone and rewards with petty cash that is virtually unusable. It also begs for rubies. It also is going down the same road as Suburbia. While it's updating now, I wouldn't be surprised if in a year or so the game goes on a prolonged hiatus, which may only be broken by a possible Suburbia 3. These things come in cycles.

This is my warning: Don't go into Suburbia 2 thinking they learned from the first game. Companies don't 'learn' when it comes to making money and it's clear that they have already started cutting corners with content. The content itself isn't rewarding in the slightest, so unless you like wasting your time without any form of enjoyment I recommend looking elsewhere.

It's only a matter of time before the episodes slow down and stop. Then we'll get either a Suburbia 3 or a Suburbia spinoff, like "Suburbia in the Big Apple" or something. Then Suburbia 2 will probably be left to molder like its predecessor.

Look at what they've left us with...

"Leave it be, I say!"

Suburbia 2: A Facebook Game Continuation

Yes, you read that right, there is a Suburbia 2... Just to recap:
Suburbia was an abandoned game on Facebook that pretended it was still running, but was completely ignored by its creators. It continued taking money from unsuspecting people who didn't know that it stopped at Episode 6.

Then, without any warning, a sequel appeared on the Facebook page. To clarify, I checked Suburbia's original game and there's been no changes to it. It still claims that the next episode is 'on the way' after two years without any real updates. I'm assuming Suburbia was finally left to die while they worked on this sequel.

...So what's the sequel like? Surprisingly, Suburbia 2 is a bit different from the original Suburbia... But in mixed ways.

You play as yourself, inheriting a bakery from your missing uncle who may of ran off with a woman. Or murdered her. Or was murdered by her. That's the mystery this time around, but the game doesn't really focus itself on that. In fact, the game's focus is much different than in the original.

Instead of raising your skills, doing a job for money, and collecting furniture to make your house look nice; Suburbia 2's gameplay is primarily focused on running a bakery. So you spend a lot of your time farming resources and cooking meals, which take a pretty long amount of time, to progress in the story... Or what story there is. I'll go into that later.

As in the original, it wants you to shell out real money for its red rubies. Considering the situation with the first game, I hope people decide not to do this and instead wait twelve hours to bake a pie... So baking isn't even in real time, which would make more logical sense.

Completing orders is not a choice. You have to complete orders so that you can get story points to continue actually playing through the story. Not that the story is worth playing for. At least in the first Suburbia I was able to find a body pretty quickly, in this game all I've seen is 'character x wants y, gives vague story element that contradicts other ones, leaves'. I'll address more about this later.

So the gameplay involves a lot of waiting for resources and creations to be finished crafting, collecting them, and getting a few seconds of dialogue as a reward. The money system that you collect from the orders is practically pointless unless you want to buy stuff for the front room, but most of this is locked behind the dreaded ruby wall that blocks you from continuing playing.

Like, for instance, remember when you could go into a neighbor's house a shamelessly use their stuff, but just wouldn't get as much of a mood reward? You can't do that anymore. This is both good and bad. Bad because it limits choice and playability. Good because, well, the mood meter is completely gone! You don't need mood to keep going, which is great... But the price is the ruby paywall, the lack of actual stuff to do except farming resources, and the basic shell of a story.

And the story points really are a problem. Mostly because they aren't needed in between episodes, but in between the basic actions of the story. An episode can still be in progress, but you have to ship hundreds of apples just to talk with a different character than the one you were originally talking with.

With these waiting times, you'll be stuck for hours waiting for a pie to ship to the library, to get enough points to talk to a woman who may say something entirely pointless. It's unbelievable how much longer you have to wait in this game compared to the first one, and it doesn't help me feel better about my choice to actually play the game.

Another big issue is that some quests require items that you need to unlock through leveling, and leveling involves doing more orders... And the horrific cycle continues yet again

So, you think, it can't be that bad. Harvest a ton of ingredients and then set a lot of things to cook overnight... Nope, doesn't work. You have limited storage that you can't upgrade. (Or you can upgrade with rubies, but I haven't seen that option.) So you're basically damned if you do and damned if you don't. You're stuck constantly managing resources and wasting your time for no payoff.

Suburbia 2, with all pros and cons, is probably on the exact same level as the original game. However, with the questionable nature of the first game, I don't trust this one nearly as much. Giving them money is absolutely not an option under any circumstances, and even promoting the game with 'it's okay' feels like a slap in the face of those who needlessly lost money.

So, to be careful, I checked Suburbia 2's Facebook page and found a few recent comments that... Seem very significant. Because of privacy concerns, I won't mention these people's names, but I'll give a summery of what they said:

Person one said that, like Suburbia, once you hit a certain spot you get stuck behind a 'coming soon' episode wall. This time it's episode seven. She also mentioned a 'spice problem'.

Person two said that they were stuck in a glitch where all orders called for muffins, but they hadn't unlocked muffins, and couldn't without finishing orders.

Person three again mentions this spice problem. Person four mentions that the spice rack won't work at all.

Person five mentions a limit on neighbor visiting and sending gifts to other players. As I don't play with others, I wouldn't have noticed this.

The final person, and most important, mentions that they've been stuck for a week on the same story element, mostly because of this mysterious spice glitch. They say they get no response from the technical team, which doesn't shock me in the slightest, and have decided to quit.

So here's my thoughts... Yeah, no, this is awful. Every problem I mentioned and now there's a severe glitch screwing everyone over. Nobody should be playing this game. It's a tedious nightmare.

UPDATE:

I returned to Suburbia 2 after a few months and found out more. Firstly, they are at episode 11... But you have to pay rubies to get early access. Somewhat glad to see that they're still updating, but the ruby paywall is still heavy with this one.

Only a few people were complaining about spice, but I'm seeing people complain of various other glitches here and there. The biggest issue seems to be this; people are getting bored of the gameplay and are having a problem with the grinding it takes to make it to the next story element.

I'm not surprised in the slightest. Back when I wrote the first part of this, months ago, I questioned how long a game like this could last. These 'ingredient farming' games are everywhere and this one's only perk is a story that just won't get moving.

Another thing is some sort of delivery truck thing you can do in the higher levels. I haven't reached that point yet, but a LOT of people are saying that it is not paying out high enough. From the screenshots I'm seeing, they seem about right. You have a time limit to farm plenty of recipes and then only get a small amount of cash. I wonder if this is to sell rubies, to get everything done quicker?

And, just as expected, no plans to fix the first game. The first game still says 'coming soon'.

So... My final verdict is that this game is a chore. It's not even as fun as baking in real life and you have to feed it cash to get any sort of immediate reward. Just on principle alone, I don't think you should play this game. While they're updating now, whose to say that one day they won't just abandon this one too?

With the glitches and the boring mechanics, the slow story and the spice; this game just seems like a recipe for failure. If you want to try it, then be my guest, but I strongly warn against giving them money.

Also, so we're on the same page...

"Who are the Allens and why are they out of spice?"

What Remains of Edith Finch? Depression and little else.

What Remains of Edith Finch is what happens when someone tries to make something like Dear Esther, but attempts to give a hopeful and whimsical approach... But fails miserably, because the story is so depressing, the characters are all drags, and the moral itself is a complete dud.

The game's story is so confused that the moral, "life is short and strange, but should be celebrated", is almost completely undone by how pathetic it portrays life to be. Yes, these family members are... Interesting enough, but their only interesting aspect is their deaths (sometimes). The only people who take joy from their existence are people who wonder about their deaths.

And everyone is dead. Spoiler alert: everyone is dead and gone. You're walking through an empty house with no hope, alone, and feeling like you'd rather be anywhere else. The game does bring around emotions, but I personally found that I was having so little enjoyment out of the story that I wanted to be far away from it.

It doesn't even sit as a tribute to family and love. Unravel did a great job at that. Unravel made you feel what it was like to watch life move on. This game makes everyone either look like a jerk, look stupid, or just look like a depressed shell. The 'family' is just a collection of anecdotes.

As a relatively stressed person, this game didn't make me feel like life was worth living. It made me feel like, for a brief second, that life is completely pointless. What is the point of going on if you're going to die in an extremely convoluted and sometimes stupid way? What are these stories worth, if they are so basic and rehashed? (And extremely predictable as well.)

The game especially goes lengths to show that the effort of finding hope is fruitless. That no matter what you do, what goodness you try, you will be tormented in the end. That in the end, you will suffer. Yes, we all face death, but good job making everybody's death so pitiful.

In the end, I didn't feel connected to anyone. I just rolled my eyes at the extremely predictable ending and made myself something to eat. I was so bored that by time the game was over, that I was willing to do anything else. Even- gasp- stepping away from my computer.

Now, the whole thing about a curse?... Never addressed. Whether the stories are real or not, never addressed. A more interesting story waits in this bog of self-pity, but the game never allows us to see it. So many people are going to praise this game for its message, for the tragedy, but it's tragedy without a cause. There's no payoff in the end; you walk out of the house feeling like you wasted your time.

The house itself is sometimes interesting, but you're not discovering it. It's one of those handholding games, so you don't even have true exploration on your side. The narrator as well is also just a depressing voice to remind you how sad it is to be in a house with so much death and loneliness, and how sad you're supposed to feel, and how deep its supposed to be.

But What Remains of Edith Finch is only deep if your description of 'deep' involves mindless tragedy and nothing else. (And I mean mindless not as 'in the cosmic scheme' and more mindless in 'the writers clearly didn't give their all for all stories'.)

The game tries to give the illusion that there are highs, but there never are. Nobody dies in a way that makes you say, "Wow, that's amazing! Crazy way to die, but it was almost worth it." Most of the time, people die through stupid mistakes, and mistakes that aren't even worth thinking about.

Then there's the few cases where people are just written out. The missing brother feels less like an example of continued despair and more like they got lazy on writing his story. His room has a little character, but he isn't given any at all. You're in and out pretty quickly and only look at his drawing book for any sort of 'story'.

It doesn't help that, no matter who the narrator is, they are always such a buzzkill to listen to. Everyone's in a constant state of mourning, but unlike Dear Esther, this one keeps trying to up the stakes:
"Oh, the little boy falling off the cliff isn't enough? Here's a drowning baby. SEE, this is why you need to ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE. SEE?!"

Uh, no. Your moral is unbalanced and your game was almost, just almost as hard to watch as 'Everyone Goes to Rapture'. And in comparison to 'Gone Home', in this game you have much less to pick up and look at. You're in and out of a room in seconds.

Would you like to wander around a large house with only a few interesting items, a bunch of depressing moments, a sappily fake ending, and don't care about feeling unfulfilled? Then watch this game online. I don't recommend a buy. This... Thing isn't worth $20.

It's not scary, it's not whimsical, it's not interesting, it's not thought provoking.

It's just tragic... That this was the game everyone was hyping up. It's just a shame.

Rocknaldo: Steven Universe Review

Look, if this wasn't such a scenario then I wouldn't review this. I have decided to stop reviewing Steven Universe episodes and the reason is... Well, I'll go into it at the end of this review. For now, the basic idea is that the episode was such a display that I had to review it.

I know this episode is getting a lot of negative reactions and I can see why. Though I'm not passionate enough to have an instant hate and will try to use this to my advantage here. Instead, I will begin by saying that the writers of Steven Universe have had long enough to spot and fix a problem, but instead decided to capitalize on it in the worst of ways.

So the episode is basically... The most disliked character in SU acts even worse than usual, to the point that I feel like this is out of character for him, and the episode makes bland meta jokes that don't make up for the obvious annoyance that they portray. The episode tries to be witty, but instead manages to show why this season has felt so empty.

The Plot:

The episode begins with Ronaldo spreading material about the Crystal Gems, or Rock People, that he believes about. Steven points out that it's wrong and is clearly offended, but explains that he's uninformed. Ronaldo has an overdramatic display of apology... That feels extremely fake for someone whose been able to show emotions in the past.

Back at the Temple, the Crystal Gems talk dismissively about Ronaldo's internet pity-party, which ends with them finding out that he wants to join the Crystal Gems. The Gems don't agree, but Steven talks them into letting him stay. (This whole thing is obviously a reference to people who want Connie, Lapis, and other characters to become Crystal Gems.)

Steven then talks to Ronaldo, who mentions his Gemsona, Bloodstone, and then shows his sword... So, let's address the elephant in the room now. Yes, Cartoon Network teased about a new gem and it turned out to be Ronaldo. The trick was clearly see-through. The only thing annoying about this is that, alas, the show recognizes that the episode is annoying and plays into it like it is funny. While, again, I don't hate this episode, I know plenty of people are already bitter towards it.

Because the irony is this; making fun of your fans by making a character an awful mess doesn't always equal laughs. It was funny when Peridot made ships because, as goofy as she acted, she was still a lovable character. It's not funny when Ronaldo make an OC, but this is strictly because of what happens after this point in the episode.

The moment when Steven and Ronaldo play around with him being a gem is actually sweet for a short moment, but it turns sour quick.

The Crystal Gems have a mission- don't worry, they don't show it or explain anything about it- and leave Ronaldo behind. Ronaldo is upset, somewhat understandable, but almost immediately starts acting like a jerk. He begins to be bitter towards Steven and tells him to show off his gem. Steven does, uncomfortably.

That night, Ronaldo explains that he's no longer sleeping and keeps Steven awake. He tells Steven that, as a gem, he should stay awake all night. He's again being bitter, or maybe self-centered, it's hard to tell the difference. The next day, Ronaldo asks about Connie and doesn't understand why she gets treated better than him.

Steven calls him out as not being a Crystal Gem, Ronaldo calls Steven out for not being loving and understanding, Steven leaves but realizes he wasn't in the wrong and returns to a delirious Ronaldo. He yells at him and Ronaldo passes out. They drop him outside, poke jokes at him, and then the three headed Crystal Gem unit leaves.

Some time later, Steven finds Ronaldo staring out at the ocean. He's being angsty and starts to apologize, but it then sort of turns into a self-praise session instead of an actual apology. Then for the last few seconds of the episode he asks Steven about his name, briefly acting like a normal person, and the episode ends.

The Review:

...So the flaws are obvious; the writers decided that, instead of fixing Ronaldo's character, they were going to embrace it and make him act like the worst person ever. It's not even funny and the episode doesn't seem willing to make jokes that are actually funny. Then few of them that were identifiable were pretty weak.

I don't remember Ronaldo being such a jerk in the earlier episodes. Yes, he was unhinged in his first appearance, but in the second one he was, at least, a little nicer. This time, they tried their hardest to make him completely unlikable. They don't make Ronaldo a more fleshed out character, they don't build on him at all, and they (maybe) write off his behavior from sleep deprivation.

That still, Ronaldo continuously acts like a jerk to Steven. He treats Steven more aggressively than Lars does, and his change from 'happy' to 'jealous' is almost immediate. Maybe Ronaldo can't understand how he would need to train before his mission, but I'm not sure that I believe he, as Steven's friend, would become so aggressive so quickly.

Also, the Crystal Gems are doing there 'nothing to do/hive mind' thing again. All three appear at the same time, make comments, and leave until later. They feel shoehorned in since them being there and their dialogue is mostly pointless. They are there because they have to be there, and that's all they do.

Steven's... Okay. He's just Steven. He gets upset, he gets concerned, he gets annoyed, and he's supportive. He does what he usually does... Though the episode doesn't give him much to do. Steven just seems like the designated 'victim' of the episode.

Like The New Crystal Gems, which I didn't review, this episode has an uncomfortably mean-spirited tone with even less of an outcome. Though I think that one left a more bitter taste in my mouth. This one... Sort of just disappointed me. I cared enough about this one to rewatch and make this review, so that's something.

I'd like to clarify that I don't dislike this episode because it isn't a plot-centric episode. I dislike it because it's actually filler (no character building of any real kind) and it's not even fun or amusing. It's just so hard to watch because you can see where they're trying to be meta, but just can't achieve anything better than a reference.

How I would make it better:

This is actually very basic as this plotline is not a new one. Here's my ideas.

Ronaldo wants to join the Gems, Steven talks for him, he joins. Then, instead of being a jerk, Ronaldo is annoying in understandable ways and generally unfit for the job. Such as him getting overexcited, putting his stuff everywhere, constantly swinging his sword around; doing stuff that the Gems would get annoyed at but the audience could understand. Then they give Ronaldo a basic mission, or errand really, and Ronaldo fails.

Steven finally has to tell Ronaldo that he is unfit for the job. Either one or two options occur:

1: Ronaldo is distraught and falls into depression, Steven feels guilty, but weeks later Ronaldo appears again and apologizes. He realizes that he wasn't really professional and decides that he wants to 'earn' a place at the Crystal Gems. For now, he will continue to spread information that they approve, and he hopes someday to be a part of the group.

2: Ronaldo gets angry and calls out Steven's lack of compassion, Steven calls him back out on his behavior, and Ronaldo decides to 'prove' he's fit for the job. Maybe by successfully completing the errand. Though in this process he realizes that he was goofing around and he and Steven mend their relationship. Ronaldo decides to take the job as 'Crystal Gem' more seriously and moves back home so that he can continue studying and training out of the way.

Either of these would both allow Ronaldo to grow, make Steven realize the difference between friends and partners, and would give a more hopeful end to the episode. Instead... Ronaldo is a jerk who nobody respects and the episode just stops in the same place it started.

Or, also still, have the entire episode the same, but then when Steven calls out Ronaldo, have Ronaldo realize his mistake and actually apologize. It wouldn't fix the lack of jokes, or give the episode a real point, but at least I would feel a little better once the episode was over. That's something.

Final Thoughts:

While Ronaldo has a slew of poor episodes, Rocknaldo goes above and beyond to make Ronaldo even more unlikable. It doesn't manage to bring around any good or even new jokes, and is unable to do anything more than make a few basic references. The moral of the episode is shot and, while shows don't have to have morals, this one suffers from a lack of direction.

It's another example of using Steven as a sympathy card on us. After last week, it's hard to efficiently feel bad for Steven over something so little. Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst are only there because they have to be and don't really do anything except for the standard. Again, Ronaldo's character declines even further.

If there's any sort of reference in here towards foreshadowing... Then it's hard to care for it. The only thing close was mind controlling water, and something about that premise sounds just a little... Okay, I'll be blunt; I think mind control always falls into cheap plot developments. I'm not impressed. Though, again, it's hard to get excited about a show that has so many episodes like this.

Is Rocknaldo one of the worst episodes I've seen? Maybe, mostly because it has no payoff or legit use except character destruction. However, am I surprised to see it this season?... Not entirely. I sort of knew this was eventually coming. I may watch it again in the future, but only to poke fun of it and use it as an example of 'filler' in Steven Universe. Or, at least, a bad episodes.

Why I stopped reviewing Steven Universe:

SU is going down a path that I'm not interested in. The once fleshed out characters feel like they are reverting to 'just being there'. Or in Lapis and Peridot's cases, seem to become more unlikable every time I see them, rendering once interesting characters into broken joke machines.

Even Steven has gone from a genuinely nice and entertaining kid to constantly angsting. I get it, it's his age, but it's hard to watch a once bubbly but determined, fierce but caring, character devolve into one whose constantly lamenting about Rose. I don't just mean 'Storm in the Room' either. Remember that episode where the show averted tropes by having Steven be indifferent towards Rose, unable to cry for her, because he never got to know her?

Well, now he's constantly in a state of turmoil of the Rose. I know it's supposed to be character development, but he's not exactly developing. He's more 'stuck in the normal protagonist rut'. He's sharing an issue, a lament, and angst that tones of other protagonists share. I can't really help but feel less attached.

And now the worst has happened with plot-centric and slice-of-life episodes. Plot-centric episodes now drop hints, but don't exactly have a bang for their buck. Most of the time they are just present to suggest towards something more interesting that will eventually come to be.

Meanwhile, slice-of-life episodes no longer show much character development and interaction. This is because the show sometimes becomes afraid to break up the 'gem' unit.

Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst are always stuck together. Peridot and Lapis are always stuck together. So there's even fewer episodes where they break apart and bond with other people. How much better would 'The New Crystal Gems' have been if there were more humans and less Peridot and Lapis bickering. What if Lapis met Sadie and Lars? Would she actually be amused by Lars cynical nature? These could've been interesting interactions that the show is too scared to tell.

What if, in Rocknaldo, Ronaldo had private incidents with each of the gems that convinced him that he was not ready to join them? Instead of just annoying Steven, we see how each Gem would've reacted, felt, and how patient they would've been with him. Instead, they're stuck together.

What about Peridot and Ronaldo? These two have a lot of common interests, but how would they act if they were friends? What things would happen between them? Would they compete on the internet, or would they somehow be friendly with each other? We may never know this because, as it is, humans and gems barely interact unless Steven's playing a barrier between them.

On the whole, I've been getting more into Star vs. the Forces of Evil. While not as serious as Steven Universe, I find that I get a lot more entertainment out of it. More amusement, more obvious character transformations, and the plot is growing at a healthier rate. I can't wait until Season 3... Meanwhile, I almost missed last week's episode of SU.

What do I think would make the show better? More diverse character interactions, saving the cast from the character potholes they're stuck in, more fun episodes that don't need to rely on 'what's in', and more episodes of equal plot and slice-of-life. Like, why can't we get another Centipeedle episode? Or why can't the group talk about Jasper in an episode that doesn't involve her?

It's as though SU holds all of its aces close to its chest and deals them out spaciously, but recently has waited longer and longer in between these aces. I'm hoping maybe this season has just been a bore and it will eventually right itself, but as it is I find myself less interested in looking towards episodes. And, considering our last finale, I can't rightly say that I look forward to the finale either.

So that's all that I have to say here. I give Rocknaldo a rock out of Ronaldo; that should sum my feelings up exactly.

As for reviews... Meh, I don't know. I may eventually do more, but for now I find it hard to force myself to write an essay on a lackluster episode... Or a lackluster season.

Sun and Moon: Episode 3 and 4 Review

(Shockingly enough, Meowth's animated alright.)

Episode 3; and thus the animation slowly becomes more and more disgusting... Except this Meowth scene. This Meowth scene is actually good. I mean this:

(He basically does this for no reason. -.-)

But there are some (?) positives in this episode. First of all, Team Rocket has returned, which is a massive mixed bag. Jessie and James look hideous and seem to make bizarre gestures. Meowth, however, is apparently getting more of a character focus. I was actually pretty surprised, but Meowth's focus was definitely more obvious than Jessie or James.

I have a theory that this may be because of the Alolan Meowth. It may be possible that a character arc about Meowth may be planned, but it's much too early to tell. We also get to meet Mimikyu; an adorable ghost that the show seems to believe is creepy. He also hates Pikachu, which I originally thought was a mistranslation but seems to be the case.

I don't know whether it's a good or bad thing that Mimikyu it prepared to mop the floor with Pikachu, because I don't know what level it is at. Regardless, it is a relief to see Team Rocket get a competent Pokémon. Then there's Bewear... The pedo bear that isn't exactly interesting and eventually totes Jessie and James away.

Oh wow, that's a metaphor for Sun and Moon as a whole. The whole show would be better with just the Pokémon and not the humans. Meowth, Mimikyu, Wobuffet, and maybe Pikachu. They don't need any of these lame trainers holding them back.

(James and Jessie look really off... And poorly drawn. Again, notice Meowth looks animated better.)

And guess what? Ash just keeps getting worse. He's getting more stupid every minute, forgetting things that he should either know or basically understand, and he's pulling out even uglier faces with each passing minute. He is a train that has already derailed and now is skidding down a mountain, straight towards a fifty foot cliff. Pikachu is the imp that dislodged the train off the tracks.

All of Ash's classmates, or friends, are even more cumbersome than before. All of them were in this episode and none of them did anything. Only some had lines, none offered to help fight off Team Rocket (even considering the fight with Team Skull), and were wastes of animation. Each was shocked in unison, each smiled in unison. They were completely unneeded.

(My exact reaction during most of this.)

As interesting as the Rotom Dex concept is, and as inoffensive as the Dex is, they spend way too much time introducing it, introducing it to others, and explaining it to the audience. Just because Ash can't understand basic logic doesn't mean we can't. It's not like a whole new batch of viewers are watching this; it's the same people who watched X and Y. Also, there's a scene where Rotom is electrocuted and-... Isn't Rotom an electric type? I thought he'd be pretty fine with it. Inconsistent.

The more I think about it, the more that the thirty minutes felt like a lot of wasted fluff. Nothing happened, except Mimikyu, and we only came out with Team Rocket catching a Pokémon... Sort of.

(One last picture to show, again, Meowth's better animation.)

Episode 4 begins in the same fashion. Pikachu loses a battle to a much weaker Pokémon (he get hit-like-once), Lillie has another unfunny 'scared of Pokemon' scene, Team Rocket does some stuff, and so far I am absolutely not impressed. I expected another pathetic episode.

However, halfway through episode 4 actually irons out some of its problems and pulls around. The actual premise of the episode is that a Rowlet, who lives with the Toucanno that raised it and its family of Pikipeks and a Trumbeak, ends up weary and hungry and in the arms of Ash. Ash takes care of it, feeds it in an adorable scene, and it eventually takes a watermelon and leaves.

(Rowlet eating a banana is better animated than most facial expressions so far.)

Ash and Mallow, only one of his friends-thank goodness, head into the forest to find it. They realize that it's bringing back food to the others. However, they are all soon attacked by Team Rocket... Who are then carried off by Bewear. If Team Rocket's going to blast off by being carried away by a bear then this is pitiful. It's still blasting off predictably, just... Now with this boring bear.

The bear isn't threatening. The bear isn't even interesting. It's just another downfall of this thing.

(Wait, so... Did they just get away with stealing the berries?... Huh...)

However, back to the original story. Contrary to usual Pokémon stories where the odd Pokémon out would realize they were being taken advantage of and leave with Ash, Toucannon nudges Rowlet out of the nest and gives his blessing to him going with Ash. As such, Rowlet cuddles with Ash before being caught officially and joining the group.

Again, this shows how much better the Pokémon are to the humans, and how the animation on the Pokémon is better too. However, episode four does a lot more than the previous three in other ways. Firstly, they eventually do cut down the amount of people who are pointlessly running around with Ash, though Mallow being there is pointless, and manage to somewhat suppress Ash's stupidity towards the end.

(Literally the first time Ash actually made a good expression; this is a cute scene.)

The moments between the Pokémon and Rowlet's backstory are particularly well done. The Pokémon scenes themselves are particularly well done. The human stuff is garbage. (Wow, feels like I'm talking about Silver Eyes again.) Team Rocket had an okay moment, but I see them getting really boring really quickly if they don't shape up.

Lillie's got to go. After playing the game, I realize how much of a bas- of a misconstruction of the character this is. Lillie's character arc in the game, her strength and ability to grow, is not present here. Instead, Lillie is just whatever was leftover from Misty. They gave her a fear of Pokémon, that's it. I don't even know why it bothers me so much, but it does.

Also, I must insist that the show treating it viewers like they've never seen Pokémon before, even having Rotom explain to Ash how to catch a Pokémon, is unbelievably awful. If you were going to make this Pokémon for people who've A: Never seen Pokémon, B: Never played Pokémon, and C: Don't understand the basic rules of Pokémon, then you should make a Pokémon alternative for people who aren't two years old. Even at three, when I started watching Pokémon, I grasped these general concepts. Pokémon wasn't talking down to me.

And I don't count those five minute long Pokémon skits on YouTube as anything more than advertising. They don't last long enough to be satisfying and a few of them seem to fail in getting their story across. Yet they seem leagues ahead of this show.

(I was right; this did get annoying fast. Doesn't she have any other character?)

So episode four was the best episode so far, but even it was fraught with failures. Even at its best, Sun and Moon pales in comparison to not only past Pokémon episodes, but to many cartoons out on the market. At this point, if it wasn't Pokémon I suspect that people wouldn't be watching it.

Also might I just say that, for a cartoon claiming to dumb down because it's supposed to be funny, there's few jokes. Like, nothing funny happens in it. I don't mean my view of funny either; they barely do anything except talk and throw big expressions. It's not funny. It's a lazy excuse.

So... Well, four episodes in and am a little more confident. Even with three's flaws, both three and four improve dramatically over the first two episodes. At this point we just have to wait and see if it continues to improve before episode ten. I actually want this to succeed; it's not like I hate Sun and Moon and want it to crash and burn. I want to have a better viewer experience.

I'm a little more hopeful, but only slightly. If these two episodes could show anything, it was that the Pokémon are really the only positive of the show. Rowlet, Mimikyu, and even Meowth have brought in more life to a boring cast of cookie cut characters... And Ash, but we try to pretend he's not there.

I'll be back to review 5 and 6, or maybe just 5 if 6 isn't posted with it, when next week rolls around. Until then... Well, I'll be watching something better. *Looks at current line up of cartoons.* Okay, never mind. Apparently I won't.