The Simpsons: Monty Burns' Fleeing Circus (Review)

...Why do I subject myself to this? Ugh, here we go again.

So the episode starts off in a pretty confused manner. It starts with the family looking for their car, then noticing the Landlard Donut statue is gone, then they get a new statue, then it destroys the town, and only then does the actual story finally occur. All of this former stuff is filler that isn't exactly funny. There's a thinker joke, but like many of the others in this episode it drags out too long.

Basically, in agreement to fix the town, Mr. Burns puts on a play at the Spingfield Bowl. Apparently he has a dark past when he performed as a child, and he becomes determined to make the perfect show. They show bits of this past, but don't reveal what actually happened until later on. He hires on Lisa as an assistant.

Meanwhile, Homer slacks at the Power Plant with all of his friends. Nothing really happens in this time.

Back to Burns and Lisa, Lisa mentions something about a cannon act being impossible and Mr. Burns ends the show right then. One comment and the show is abruptly over. Lisa goes after Mr. Burns and finds out the truth about how he was embarrassed at the show. She encourages him to start the show again, which he does.

Homer realizes that he has become too lazy and encourages the workers to go back to work.

The show begins with a few various acts. There's one or two cameos with various degrees of interest, but not really much to mention. Then there's a firework joke was actually sort of funny, but they drag it on too long. If she would've said, "Look, fireworks!" then it cut to people running from the plant, then immediately cut back to the show it would've managed itself a little better.

Then Burns gets on stage and there's an accident, resulting in the same thing happening as before. He blames Lisa, everyone disappears, and then suddenly he forgives Lisa once again. She plays her sax for him and Burns sits with Smithers, with one final joke.

So... To clarify, this is better than 'Every Man's Dream', but not by much. The episode is not cohesive and can't manage a story. By the end of it the ending seemed abrupt, because not much actually happened during it. To compare it to a different episode entirely, randomly, let's compare it to... That episode where Homer hires a detective to research Lisa. Just a random episode.

Lisa sees a diary commercial on TV and wants one for her birthday. Homer doesn't get there in time, so he gets her a tape instead that stars her and false information about her. She's distraught that he father doesn't know anything about her and gets angry. To become a better father, Homer hires a detective to get info. It works until the detective reveals a massive bill that Homer doesn't pay. In response, the detective frames Lisa, and she goes with Homer on the run. Eventually she finds out the truth and they are eventually cornered by the detective in a hall of mirrors. Homer reveals that he does remember some things about Lisa, who uses a laser pointer birthday gift to stop the detective. Lisa's proven innocent and Homer's closer with her.

Do you notice the difference? Firstly, there's an actual plot that doesn't bob around everywhere or go in confusing locations. Secondly, it uses what it has; there's a detective so they make jokes on detectives, on bad disguises, on being on the run, and on things that clearly apply to the episode. Mr. Burns' Fleeing Circus doesn't even really make any circus jokes or play around with the material.

Here's another example: One of the jokes is that Mr. Burns remembers everything perfectly. He then remembers his mother licking him like a dog...There's no punch, nothing kooky, nothing to show this is real or not... and they've made this joke before. In the episode where they legalize gambling, Homer says he remembers everything perfectly. He then remembers a clearly wrong scene with Marge having green hair, a lot of wrong people being there, and Homer himself being different. The joke is more precise and thus fits better.

Most jokes drag themselves out. Like a Youtuber doing a Johntron impression, stumbling over their words and restating the same word repeatedly like it's a joke. (Which it's not. It's a purposeful, unfunny stutter.) They continue to restate, add on, and occasionally return to old, failed jokes.

The problem is that the episode really has trouble with pacing. It spends a lot of its time trying to tell jokes, but it doesn't allow itself to set up for them at all, which means that most of the jokes appear suddenly and don't leave an impact. Simpsons, ironically enough, used to be a lot smarter. I guess it's because of its new kid audience that it's been dumbing it down... But kids aren't stupid.

This is just lazy writing. They stitched together a ton of parts in a shoddy ways and couldn't even make it funny. The 'jokes' are notoriously amateur, even for the Simpsons.

Homer's subplot is absolutely pointless. I'm not kidding; there's no reason for Homer even to have a subplot. If they took him out they would've had more time to tweak the main plot. The main plot needed that time too. The two parts that definitely needed more time were when Burns abruptly cancels the show, as it's so quick that it doesn't make much sense, and the ending.

Oh dear, that ending. How cold and emotionless. Simpsons has done emotions before. It has done emotions with Mr. Burns and Lisa before. So to have such an emotionally distant ending is a disgrace. Mr. Burns is embarrassed and mad at Lisa; at this point is when Lisa should do one of three things. She can call him out on his behavior, she can reveal to him how happy the audience is and how they just think it's a routine, or she can just comfort him. The second option seems most viable. Mr. Burns' pride is regained, as he can just say it was a clever performance meant to be funny, he gets over the past event, and Lisa gets off without punishment.

However, what does the episode do instead? It wusses out. Mr. Burns just 'forgets' and suddenly everything is A-Okay. Lisa plays his saxophone while he watches her and then it ends. Not only is this extremely anticlimactic, but is notoriously heartless. It knows it has the ability to do something nice, but instead wastes it. It doesn't even do a more cynical joke; it just gives up. As though the writers are just so bored with the episode that they ended it the quickest way they possibly could.

The only thing I can say positive is that this may have bored and underwhelmed me, but it didn't frustrate me like 'Every Man's Dream' managed to do. I came out of that feeling an actual sense of anger. Here... Underwhelmed, but unoffended. There's no bad morals, there's no shoe horned in characters who are badly written, it's not actually too cliché; it's lazy, but it is harmless enough.

Do I think this means the show is improving? Absolutely not. This is still extremely subpar for a show that's been running this long. It's shows like this that leave people wanting shows to end after a couple of seasons, desperately seeking a quick end so that the show doesn't become a stale monstrosity leeching off of its history, like this does.

I'm actually considering reviewing more episodes to see if they all have the same problem, which I may do, but for now I'll end with this:

Monty Burns' Fleeing Circus is one of the Simpson's weakest opening episodes ever. Considering that it is only slightly more tolerable than last season's, I take this as a bad sign for what's to come.

The Risk of Peridot becoming Flanderized

So I think another hiatus is coming. A lot of people are fine with it because of all the episodes were dropped; nice to see them becoming so cooperative, right? Maybe they're like me; I don't get enough of the high anymore to feel the withdrawals. Though this does give me the chance to write about something that I've been thinking of for a while now.

This is a concern about Steven Universe that has nudged at me more than once in the past. Even though the show is so known for how much different it acts over others, how well it writes characters, this seems like a very likely scenario. Really, Peridot is set up to fall into this rut, so the risk is obviously there. Though (the 'f' word) is very common in media these days.

Firstly, Peridot's drastic change in character was good, but is sometimes concerning if you consider how quickly she could change again. At first, Peridot was an interesting but not very fleshed out villain. Her real emotional core came during her change into a good guy, her redemption, which showed us more of Peridot's emotional side and taught her how her behavior effected others. Now, post that, Peridot's niche is turning into comic relief.

And I mean comic relief alone. If Beta, Earthlings, and Kindergarten Kid shows us anything, it is that Peridot is somewhat regressing. She spends most of her time being goofy, cracking jokes, and saying unintentionally offensive things to the others. In Beta and Kindergarten Kid, Peridot manages to insensitively offend Amethyst twice, and coming after 'Too Far' it comes off as a regression.

Peridot no longer is around to learn about the others, so she now is mostly there as a joke. Sometimes it works, like in Beta, but sometimes it's just too blunt, as in the Kindergarten Kid. Also, someone whose so intelligent tends to have more than a couple of stupid moments, which are only sometimes actually fun to watch.

Even after the Cluster, Peridot seems more unable to hold her own than ever. Currently, this is not a big problem, and Peridot is still enjoyable. I'm not saying she isn't. What I am saying is that Peridot is in the danger zone of flanderization. Take for example another quirky character who was well faceted, but sort of kooky; Jackie from Roseanne.

Peridot and Jackie share a lot of similarities. They are both smart but have their clueless moments. They are somewhat independent, but show dependent traits in times of need. They are mostly comic relief, but have a lot of heart as well. They also are close, like a sibling and a sibling, to the main character. This allows them to come along to learn the moral.

Though we all know what happened to Jackie. She went from being a strong character to being a babbling idiot, barely able to form a functional sentence, only there to cause problems and to point and laugh at when they fail. Like for example; in one episode, Jackie, who is incredibly close to Roseanne, has a total fit where she says that Roseanne is a bad mother and all her kids are failures... But why this is so weird is because it's literally because she gave a kid a cookie.

It seems unbelievable that someone as close to her as Jackie would get so extreme over something so nonsensical. It's strictly to cause a rift, and to again laugh when Jackie can't even get through an insult without dragging out a five minute long 'she's a moron who can't talk' joke.

See, because Jackie turned into something of a fool. Giggling and babbling for the camera, cause conflict when it needed it, barely able to stand on her own. She also never seemed to be doing anything. In the beginning, Jackie had jobs, had hobbies, went out a lot, and lived a full life. By the end, Jackie did nothing except appear when plot demanded it. She no longer had any outside life.

So how does this apply to Peridot? Well, Peridot could easily drop into this same trap. Consider this; when Peridot first started getting used to the group she was offensive, unafraid to hurt their feelings, and distant. She got closer to them over time. The Amethyst comparison is most important as 'Too Far' was a big character moment for Peridot. Peridot learned she could hurt people's feelings and that it made her feel bad too. Or feel 'small'.

By 'Kindergarten Kid', Peridot slipped back into her old behavior. She knows Amethyst is upset, Steven mentioned it before, but still is unashamed of talking against the Crystal Gems like their relationship has suddenly deteriorated. While one may say it's just Peridot 'being Peridot', I could see this going in a bad direction. Right now it's fine, but imagine this:

Peridot appears in episodes strictly to crack jokes about the other Gems and makes a fool out of herself. She starts throwing bigger and bigger tantrums whenever she's shown, incapable of being able to keep an even tone at all. She also loses the rest of her intelligence and is barely able to do anything without Steven, Lapis, or the Crystal Gems guiding her. Whenever she's around she's followed by a constant slew of 'shipping' and 'Camp Pining Hearts' references, even when it doesn't apply. Her statements are all jokes, unable to converse without a punchline being shoed in. All the while, Peridot becomes less and less competent.

And then flanderization sets in. It's so easy, you know? And it's not like Steven Universe is 'so good' that it can't unintentionally do this. Guess what other shows were great, but eventually suffered from flanderization; SpongeBob, Simpsons, and Roseanne. All of these shows did have a time where they were great, but then characters started to falter. SpongeBob, Patrick, Homer Simpson, Ned Flanders, Mark, Jackie...

Do I think that everyone on Steven Universe will fall into the trap? No. I think, at the worst case, Peridot's character will simply suffer from this pattern of writing. Do I think she will become flanderized? I don't know. I mean, I thought SpongeBob was great, I though Homer Simpson was a decent father, I thought Jackie was the cool one- Peridot could join this list.

Or maybe the episode just reverted her for the Looney Tunes reference... I use reference lightly, because when you do the exact same thing it's not exactly a reference. I don't know, but I hope that Peridot doesn't continue this trend or we might be heading down the same path that we've seen many times before. Even with Peridot demoted to a side character, it would be a shame...

And for the love of stars, would it kill you to give Peridot an actual weapon again?!

Even More Weird FNAF Toys (Coloring books and Papyrus.)

I seriously thought I was done. Wow, that wasn't the case. I found more toys and while some may look familiar, these were definitely worth showing off. Though I fear that this might be the last time I have enough items to do a full report on these FNAF toys... Until, of course, after Sister Location spawns a whole new group of characters to put in merchandise.

First we have a set of five FNAF characters.

You may recognize this packaging from the Minecaft Harem set of FNAF figures. Like those, this is a box with five figures, but this one is clearly more FNAF-like than those. Though it still mistakenly says 'six' figures on the package. The set contains Freddy, Chica, Foxy, Bonnie, and Golden Freddy. First thing's first; something looks off about the dolls.

You may notice that right away; they certainly look a bit more cheap than the actual figures in the group. Their colors are a little off, like Bonnie's grape purple and Chica's lemon yellow. Getting a closer picture shows that the painting job is not as good the closer you get.

The legs also look a little funny, but I don't know if they move or not. There's really not too much to say about this. It's... Pretty standard... Except, of course, for one thing that stands out.

Yet again, we have a toy that glows. I... Am baffled. This picture also shows that Freddy and Goldie both have Foxy's ears and I'm not certain why. But even better, you know that background that I said was odd? I found a cake topper that seems to be source image.

If you look closely, this is clearly the picture on the back of the package, and it's on the Freddy Harem too. It's definitely someone's fanart, but I don't know whose, unfortunately.

Now onto another figure. This one... Is very unique...

This is another glowing action figure. You might be wondering who the figure is. This is Blank, an animatronic made to be drawn on. He's one of the characters from 'Five Nights at Candy's'. Which means this is a fan character that's being sold as actual merchandise. This isn't too uncommon, but an actual action figure is a little more than the usual package pictures.

This one actually had me baffled for a while. For a short time I was torn on whether or not this was a legit plush or a knock off. After getting one of the official plushes, and realizing the tag is wrong, I've come to the conclusion that this is a fake. This Marionette plush goes for cheap online and is actually a close likeness, or close to what an in-game Mari plush would look like.

Shockingly enough, out of all of the Weird FNAF toys, this one is the only one that I've truly considered buying. It looks like the Marionette, it's adorable, and being a plush it isn't as likely to fall apart.

It was the Balloon Boy plush frequently shown with it that gave away that Mari was a fake. BB here is quite a bit more inconsistent in looking like BB. He holds a lollipop instead of a balloon, the sign says 'Hugs' instead of 'Balloons', and the shape is pretty off. For some reason I just think the Puppet looks closer to the character than the BB one.

What I'm moving onto next is something that I never expected to see... A FNAF Coloring Book.

Yet again, I'm somehow surprised. Someone made a FNAF coloring book. The cover, like most packages I've been seeing, has left me completely dumbstruck. FNAF World Freddy is surrounded by a cluster of Nightmare animatronics.

What is the most hilarious is the picture of Plushtrap in the front, arms crossed in the 'tough' position, trying to look cool. Or how about that weird endoskeleton on the left of the book? That endoskeleton that I don't think I've seen before in any games.

These are the first two pages. You can also see the stickers that come with it in the center. Plushtrap looks okay, but Nightmare Freddy... Looks ridiculous. With so many dark spots he can't be fun to color. The small squares at the top say 'Pega Aqui', I think it's 'Get/Place Here' and is probably for the stickers. Which is also odd; why put the stickers back into the book? It's not even a sticker book!

There's also plus and minus signs, fruits, and words with letters missing floating around the page. It doesn't contrast right with either of these characters, especially Nightmare Freddy. Look at this; beefy, scary Freddy surrounded by fruits. Totally fits the mood.

Here we have Chica and Funtime Foxy from FNAF World. They're surrounded by numbers and squares but they at least look easier to color. They look so plain though without any backgrounds... Even that silly 'Five Nights with Friends' picture looked like it would be more fun to color than this. There's also a Freddy one, but I'll skip showing it.

Here we have Nightmare Chica and Nightmare Foxy. The same complaint as before with the Nightmare coloring. There's also a Bonnie one as well. Again we see numbers and vegetables floating around in space around the two characters. The back cover has some numbers and shapes on it, no pictures of FNAF.

...And as unbelievable as it is. There's more coloring books.

This is the Halloween version, apparently. There's a cluster of Nightmare animatronics, normal Freddy, and the same Plushtrap from the coloring book before. I'm not exactly sure what that on the left side of the picture is, that white thing, but... I don't know. At least the coloring looks more accurate.

This coloring book is more dynamic certainly, though I wonder if it is stolen fanart. There's another group of stickers that are supposed to be put on the pages, the numbers, and even a word find on this one. I guess that would make this coloring book an improvement on the last one.

Though I am now starting to wonder if these pages are appropriate for children. That on the right really looks like it could scare a kid. I mean, I know there's adult coloring books, but with the numbers and stuff... This audience is seriously confused.

These two look more child friendly... With math questions on them. Huh... I'll skip past the Chica one that looks like Freddy and Foxy from before. Instead I'll move onto the back cover which is much more interesting than the last one was.

...Okay this... I ran out of words to describe this. Not only do both Springtraps look weird and Chica is winking, but what is up with Foxy?! His coloring is completely shot and his face- He doesn't even look like Foxy! What on Earth- Where did this even come from?!

This is where I reveal that there is a third comic book... And this is the one that left me the most speechless. I couldn't even believe this; there's not even as many provided pictures, it's just this cover that left me entirely speechless.

...Why yes, that is a freakishly deformed Nightmare Freddy.
And, yes, that is also a character from a FNAF fangame.
And, you see right, a cartoon Spring Bonnie.
And Papyrus.

What... How do I even react to this? A stolen fan character, an out of place cartoon, and Papyrus from Undertale. From the few pages shown inside the coloring book it doesn't look like there are any Undertale characters inside. What in the hell is he doing here?
(I didn't post the pictures because they were basically more of the same.)

The last item of the evening is another set of those FNAF handmade figures. The only reason I show them is because of how scary and deformed the Puppet looks.

It's like if the puppet from Saw melted and grew super big, long hands. Freddy and the gang are kind of unsettling too, but that Puppet is just frightening!... And strangely enough, that Endoskeleton actually looks pretty good. The painting and everything on him is actually nice, which is quite a contrast to the others. If he was alone and cheap then he'd be worth a purchase... Then again, Scary Mari might be fun for collectors.

So that is another set of weird FNAF toys! I don't know if I'll find any more, but these were certainly some strange ones to stumble upon. Will my quest of Freddy toys ever end? Will we ever figure out why so many of these toys glow? Only time will tell.

(These guys glow too.)

Reviewing Facebook Games (UPDATE): Suburbia abandoned.

Oh boy, I am wanting to eat my words now. A while back I reviewed a Facebook game known as Suburbia and gave it a moderately positive pass as a sim game. Unfortunately, I now realize the dark truth behind Suburbia, beyond the murder and scandal is something that is actually pretty bad.

My first sign that something was going on was when I noticed that the Easter themed items were still able to be bought and hadn't moved on to summer themed ones. I just assumed that they only did ones for specific holidays, shrugged it off, and continued to play. Then I got to episode six and hit a brick wall. The game said, and I quote;

"More to Come: Thanks for playing our beta so far. Like our game to receive updates about new releases! In the meantime, move up the career ladder and decorate your home. The Suburbia Team."

At first this seemed innocent enough. Okay, so I went through the main storyline faster than expected, right? It'll get a new episode soon, right? Wrong.

Upon checking the actual Facebook page for Suburbia I saw something that confirmed my worst fears. Fears on the game I mean, of course. The last post from the game was on September 20th, 2015, and this was just a, "Happy weekend! Some free money!" post. If we'll get technical, the last post that wasn't one of those was a contest where you could spot a zebra and win in game money. That was May 1st of 2015.

The Easter stuff came in April of 2015. I thought it was this year's Easter, but it was last year's! This was also the last update of any kind. Now brace yourself... Episode 5 was posted, get this, on March 13th, 2014.

This game has been abandoned by its creators, no longer updated, and yet it is still taking people's money. I saw thousands of comments begging for a continuation, lamenting spending money on rubies, and getting not even a response. The company that published this, the 'team' knows its in an unfinished state, and they haven't been able to update in two years. It's not that hard; these Facebook games don't need much implementing.

Look at City Girl Life, a game I panned because of its greediness for gold to get actual prizes. That game updates constantly with missions, specials, roulettes, and such. If that game can do it constantly, then why is it so hard for this game to do it? To do even the most basic of things? Game designing isn't this hard; all you do is set the mission to require x amount of items and type a little dialogue. It shouldn't be that hard.

And honestly, regardless of the little bit of money they make off of this game, they would be able to make so much more if they continued adding episodes. These people who bought rubies would have most likely bought again if the option was given to them, but it wasn't, and the game is abandoned.

I found this game on the front game page presented as though it was popular and thriving. Facebook doesn't have any sort of rating system, no comments on the actual game page, and frankly doesn't regulate the games it does have at all. This game should be labelled as incomplete and either taken down or have the ruby system removed entirely. This 'team' doesn't deserve money for slight content.

I will not be playing Suburbia again, I don't recommend it at all, the story really isn't good enough to warrant playing it, and I hope you take my suggestion and stay far, far away from it.

MORE Weird FNAF Toys (Freddy's Harem and s'more scary Mari)

I only wrote that post yesterday, and already I have found more of these bizarre FNAF toys on Ebay. I'm not sure if anything will beat the animatronics dressed like TF2 characters, but it might come close enough. I'll start with my first finding that I actually found last night, after my article was finished and done with.

Firstly, this is clearly a set of FNAF toys based on Minecraft. From the blocky bodies, to the weapons, it is clearly Minecraft. The set comes with Foxy, Freddy, Chica, and Bonnie in standard bodies and the Marionette in a sort of Enderman looking one. Marionette seems to also have a Yume Nikki or Undertale Gaster thing going on with his face. Though the box mistakenly says that it is a six pack when there are obviously only five characters. The Minecraft weapons seem really out of place, but I think it's the coloring.

The box is interesting because, most of the time, it looks good enough... Though a little confused. The picture on the top right looks pretty good, but for some reason is in front of Freddy in the middle. There's a weird earless Bonnie in the back left and for whatever reason, Freddy and Chica look scared of... A security guard? I don't know, it's behind Marionette and looks awfully stubby, whatever it is... The boxart is seriously confused, but they are at least still all FNAF characters. That's a plus.

Also, the product name is: Teddy Bear Midnight harem doll building blocks... I'm not kidding. Taking this title apart makes slightly more since. Teddy Bear is Freddy, Midnight could be the night part, they're dolls, and building blocks would be minecraft... But harem? Okay, looking at the exact definition of harem, to see if there's a different meaning than the one I immediately thought of, a harem is basically a group of women. I see one female character here. Where did this become a Harem?!

I mean, Bonnie kind of has a girl's name, and Foxy's also sort of a girl's name, and Marionette wears makeup... Oh wait... So that's the real mystery behind Freddy's, the mystery of how Freddy singlehandedly acquired a harem.

This toy is currently on bid for $5 with no shipping... So the price is pretty low if you want it. What you see is what you get, but having a harem is worth any price. Onto the next thing!

This pack came in a plastic bag with a tiny tag on it. Oddly enough, the tag has pictures of the tiny licensed toys that you can buy; the ones in the small boxes. The toys themselves look... Odd. Firstly, Freddy is absent. The only version of Freddy is Golden Freddy. Instead, there is an Endoskeleton. They have stands that they can pop off of, but the stands aren't really fit for them.

Golden Freddy, Bonnie, and Chica look okay enough. The Endoskeleton is a little tooo big... But it's Spring Trap and Foxy that are weird. Springtrap has pink feet, an oddly shaped head, and is bright yellow. Then there's Foxy... Who is clearly wearing a pink shirt. You can see it in this picture. That's clearly just a pink shirt instead of... You know, no pink shirt.

Next we have a set of bobble heads that might be familiar.

You may recognize these as the mystery figures that I mentioned earlier, with a few changes. Firstly, you may notice the long necks with springs around them. I think these may be bobble heads of some kind, but I don't know if they work. All of the coloring is askew, especially BB who I said would probably be the worst. Once again, the stands do not fit, and they have holes on the top for keychains that they don't have. Other than that, they look pretty close to the originals... Except Marionette.

Marionette's got the strangest red face paint here... And it actually works. If not for the weird spring, the hole, and the awkward stand I would think he looks pretty cool. But I could repaint a normal, legit keychain and get one. I don't recommend these when they're basically repaints of official merchandise.

This lot is another strange one. The characters look to be made of clay and don't seem to have articulation. It's a really mixed bag; some of these look good, some look bad, but the biggest problem is definitely the painting. The painting is really inconsistent. While from afar it looks good, the closer you get the more splotches you find. Another problem is the doubling of characters. Look, you can clearly see three Chicas that look almost identical!

I like the tiny Puppet, but this picture really shows the somewhat shoddy painting job. The articulation is clearly missing here too. They aren't that bad and they are cheaper than the TF2 lot, running at $85 with $32 shipping... But the painting and lack of articulation is a total turn off, especially when it's this expensive.

This next one is very similar to these... But there's one big, BIG difference.

More clay looking figures... Except that these dilapidated looking figures are painted odd colors and some have strange faces. Again, BB stands out as one of the ones painted least similarly to his normal form. Though you probably notice the big, rainbow glowing Freddy in the back. It looks enough like Freddy, but seems to have this mechanism to glow that you may remember from the Marionette in the last series of FNAF toys. I don't know why so many of these have this rainbow light feature, but the toys do look similar enough.

Then there's Golden Freddy and Marionette.

At first I thought that was Golden Bonnie's arm around Marionette's waist. That would've been a weird twist. Instead, Goldie and Mari look quite terrifying. Interesting... But the confused bunch is certainly even more confused than the last one! Look at Chica's chainsaw there; that's insanity. It again runs at $87 with shipping and... No, I just don't know about these. Maybe if they came alone I would buy these two, and they would have to be cheap. This is definitely the most unnerving Puppet of the group.

Now we are onto a very strange set of toys. Because this next set contains both toys and extra stuff... And this stuff holds something a bit concerning. Here we go...

This set literally calls itself a bootleg in the Ebay title. I'm not exactly surprised. The faces and bodies on these are mutated looking, but familiar. In fact, these are all from the lot with the weird coloring... With one big change. These toys come with a puzzle, a lottery(what?), a memory game, a surprise toy, and cards. Here is the entire set below.

Of course all of these are bootlegs, but the arm on them is questionable. Obviously these images aren't all from the game, you can see that they aren't. Some of them look slightly suggestive, some are game pictures, some are cartoon versions of Foxy, and one is...

...Is that Popgoes the Weasel?

Okay, if you don't know, Popgoes the Weasel is a fancharacter in the game Popgoes. The game was recently released, had an arcade teaser, and also has a (punny) connection with the Puppet. Maybe I'm wrong, but that looks like Popgoes, and that means that not only fanworks, but fancharacters are being used to sell fake merchandise. That's... Pretty dirty. Dirty pool, Mister. Dirty Pool. 

I also have no idea what the surprise toy is. 

The next toy is actually a game instead of figures. It's a lottery, I'm not sure how you play a lottery game, but it's another item where the packaging is the best part of the package... So I'll show the game first.

I'm guessing a 'lottery' is like a bingo game. It comes with cards and a picture covered board. The pictures are mostly from the games, which is better than the game before. Though there's a strange picture on the top left of Freddy, Chica, and Bonnie sleeping together. I'm not too sure why this is, but the picture isn't taken fanart at least. Instead, it looks like it was posed in SFM or something similar... Then comes the picture above, that I waited to show...

So, no one told you life was gonna be this way.

Seriously, what? Freddy's got an arm around Mangle, Mangle is against him, Bonnie and Chica are coddling and sending each other romantic looks, and Puppet is holding onto Bonnie's head and giving the peace sign with some really weird shaped find fingers. Friendly Nights at Freddy's? Five Nights with Friends? I don't know, I just get a friends vibe here. It's... Baffling. This is another one that announces it is a bootleg, but this is- Look at this.

I have to end it here. Like with FNAF's TF2 impression, I can't go on past this. Nothing will top this picture, I already know that now. So for now I'll bring this post to a close with a promise to find more weird toys in the future! Believe me, I know I will.

(Even the humans are glowing!)

Weird FNAF Toys (TFNAF2)

So... I know these can't be the real thing, but I've been stumbling upon what I think are fake FNAF toys... Okay, I have a good suspicion they're knock-offs, but I don't want somebody on Ebay going out for blood. I would like to note that I don't own any of these toys and don't know about their quality. I'll start with the big lot of toys.

This is the big lot that I found. The toys seem to be styled off of FNAF World's design primarily, except for a few minor exceptions that you may notice.

These first four are obviously Bonnie, Springtrap, Nightmare, and one of the enemies from FNAF World that I can't recall the name of. Other than the odd eyes, the coloring is mostly fine on Bonnie and Springtrap. Nightmare's blue claws are a little strange, but he looks close enough to the real thing. I'm not sure if this color of enemy is in the game, but it doesn't really matter as much. As you see, Bonnie has a guitar that can be removed from his hand.

Now we get to the weirder ones. Mangle's coloring is a bit off and the face is sort of strange, especially with the smiling second head. The body matches the shape well enough though. Foxy also has weird coloring on him, with missing eyes and a blue muzzle and toes. Not sure what's going on with the blue. Then we have the night guard and the purple man. I can't tell what it says on the security guard's hat, but the blue eyes match Mike's. The purple guy doesn't look like the purple guy in the games, but more like the adaptation taken by fanworks. They are rather similar looking and may be the same model with different coloring. What's weird is that neither of these characters are in FNAF World, so these are (somewhat) original designs. The hammer also is removable.

This is definitely the weirdest group here. We have Nightmare Balloon Boy, whose completely mis-colored and, if I remember right, not in FNAF World. His grey teeth are also pretty unnerving. Then we have Toy-Chica, who has some odd eyes and is missing the words on her bib. The rest of her coloring is fine. There's a stoned looking Freddy who looks close enough, except the eyes. Finally we have Marionette, who looks pretty close except has a pinkish face, misses the tear marks, has incomplete face paint, and his feet are shaped wrong. Sadly enough, I still like him best. (I'm shamefully biased.)

If I found a lot like this at a flea market I would snatch it in a heartbeat. It's so weird looking, but they do look close enough to FNAF stuff to have a little fun with. While the versions of characters differ, with some being from various games, there is one version of every main character and no doubles. That's something worth mentioning... The only problem is the price, which is over twenty dollars, the fact that coloring may be different on the final product (when the coloring is already somewhat off it disturbs me), and the actual quality of the final items. So it's really a mixed bag, and you can be taking a risk here.

But that's not all. In fact, we have another familiar face here; another Marionette.

This one is an 11" high Marionette doll. As a collector of action figures, I can assure you that this is rather tall. In fact, this is closer to the average fashion doll than the average action figure. His proportions are a bit off; the arms look fine, but the legs are too short. The painting job is... Questionable. Through the other pictures, you can see chips in the black part of the mouth. There's some strange lumps around the torso, but I don't know if they're intentional.

The plus is definitely the arms' articulation. It's a shame the head and legs don't have as much. From what I see there's eight joints, nine if the middle moves. He also comes with this odd Freddy doll, which sort of looks like the little Freddies from Nightmare Freddy. He also comes with a base... And get this...

He glows. He actually glows different colors.

I don't even know what to think of this. He looks kind of cool, but the paint job is a little questionable, and I worry about toys that having glowing mechanics. I also don't know if that base would really do a good job of holding him; I think he'll be a little too top heavy. The Freddy that comes with him is also a little curious. He goes at over twenty dollars too, if you count the shipping that is about as much as he is.

Between this and the lot, while I love the Puppet and all, I'd say the lot is a better deal. Even with the odd colors and risk of blue popping around. Mainly because it comes with a lot more and seems like it could get more out of it. If the Marionette was about, oh, maybe ten bucks or less I would say that he would be worth checking out cautiously.

I have one more thing that I just found and it's... Really strange.

This is a lot that looks similar to the one above, except more detailed. This set goes for a whopping $125 with $32 shipping. The lot comes with Marionette, Chica, Mangle, Toy Bonnie, Foxy, Golden Freddy, Purple Guy, damaged Freddy, Spingtrap, Jeremy, and Balloon Boy. I see why these are so expensive; they look hand made in a way and, while sometimes wonky, do have a lot of detail. They even come with a Freddy, a Bonnie, and a silver Puppet mask. I would not spend this much on these, but they do look kind of cool. Their faces even come off! Even Sprintrap's! I'd say Balloon Boy looks closest to the game, but I like Purple Guy and angry Marionette.

Except... Do you notice something? I didn't notice it at first, but something is amiss.

It's the box.

What in the hell is this? This is Foxy with a soldier hat, Bonnie wearing a white hat, Marionette in a fedora, and a close in of Fredbear's face. This baffled me at first; I didn't know what I was looking at. It wasn't until the next picture that I realized what I was looking at... And it's just so wrong.

Just in case you don't know what you're looking at, that's Bonnie holding a medigun, Foxy in a soldier suit, and Marionette dressed as a spy. It's the FNAF characters dressed like Team Fortress 2 characters. What on Earth- I don't know if I'm surprised or if this is hilarious. Puppet's a Spy, Bonnie's a medic, and Foxy is a soldier; someone went out of their way to put them in TF2 gear even though they could've sold them as they were. XD What in the world?! This made the whole thing worth finding. Team FNAF 2.

So that was what I found while looking for FNAF toys on Ebay. I ran into a strange assortment of characters, such as pink-faced Puppet, Rainbow Marionette, and Marionspy. If I find more of these toys I will be sure to post a second story regarding them. For now, I hope you enjoyed this journey into weird territory!

(You mean the happy child?)

A Plea For Peridot: A Letter to the Crystal Gems

Crystal Gems, this is Peridot's sponsor reporting.

As you can see, I've been vouching for Peridot's turn around for quite some time. While she has had a few setbacks along the way, I can assure you that her progress is astounding for someone raised under Homeworld's thumb. Over time we have seen Peridot, an outside Gem, get close to all of the Crystal Gems, including Steven Universe who, sources claim, is of close relation to Rose Quartz.

In notable instances, Peridot has learned to respect Pearls, who she was taught were inferior, she has learned to apologize and to see when she's wrong, and has even started to become interested and respecting of fusion. There's also been a recent incident involving the sharing of paint cans that should be noted. All of this is excellent progress.

However, it has come to my attention recently that Peridot has been thinking of moving into the barn. While I respect her feelings of independence, I don't think this choice is a particularly good one. Peridot is still in a vulnerable position to Homeworld, if they return, and if left in isolation may start to revert to former ways. Though, to be realistic, this is not all her fault.

Peridot has mentioned that there is not enough room at the Crystal Temple. I am actually appalled that you have made her stay in the bathroom as apposed to on the couch or sharing a room with another. There is not even an adequate bed made in the bathtub either. As her sponsor, I believe it is necessary that Peridot it able to acquire her own space in the Crystal Temple.

After all, you all agreed to making her a Crystal Gem, but by keeping her separated at the barn it seems more likely that you didn't really consider what a Crystal Gem is. Moving one from the group but giving them the same title is a lazy way to achieve success. Peridot believes she is a full Crystal Gem now, but in the coming months she will come to question her significance in the group.

You took her under your wing, made her your friend, your ally, so I strongly suggest that room is made and that Peridot is moved into the Crystal Temple. She may not be the strongest, fastest, or more agile gem, but Peridot is a Crystal Gem, and she needs the support and amenities that it provides. She's simply not ready to function as a unit on her own.

While roommate Lapis seems like a good way to keep her from being completely alone, Lapis herself is not obligated to fill the needs that Peridot will need. Lapis is planning future trips to explore the world and this will also leave Peridot alone. In these periods is when she will need support. Peridot does not do well entirely isolated, we know this for a fact.

Crystal Gems, I respect what you do for Earth and I know that Rose taught you enough to lend this support. While I never met her personally, I am under the impression that she would've wanted to keep Peridot close and would've wanted to continue nurturing her. Peridot is not done learning and is not at the level where she can be left to figure things out for herself.

Please get back to me as soon as you can. My concern is for our dear Peridot; I see too many people in her situation get sucked back into their old position.

Sender: Sponsor NRN-111511.
Date: 6-23-16
Summery: Please don't send Peridot away to the barn. -.-