The End of Suburbia, Suburbia 2 Update (11/18/17)

Finally, after all this time, Suburbia has been shut down. From my knowledge it isn't from the questionable actions either, but as they quote, 'technology changes on Facebook'. They might of had to actually update the game. As of October 7, 2017 (without alerting players to what I know) the game was shut down.

Now, going to the game brings up this page. Along with a link to the 'new' Suburbia 2.

So... The game was going to go out eventually. After years of no updates, farming rubies off of people, it quietly killed itself in the night... Which means those who wasted rubies have lost everything. Up until the last day people probably could have purchased rubies for nothing.

Even in the last leg of its life, Suburbia managed to scam someone. Now that's drama!

Since I'm here anyway, I decided to do an update on Suburbia 2. Who knows, maybe they got the spice situation under control.

My experience:

I started the game to find that virtually nothing has changed on first viewing, except for a newspaper to watch videos for rewards. I'm then asked to buy a bread maker, which I do, and to make bread, which takes four flour and ten minutes of my time. I fill a few orders... But there's no chemical feedback.

See, games like this are made to stimulate you chemically. You get the hormones pumping, the dopamine kicks in, and you feel like these mindless things are worth something. Apparently Suburbia 2 is broken, because the gameplay isn't enough to bring that feeling around. If anything, it's even less rewarding than it was the last time I played it.

There is a new display to sell extra product, but I don't know how this works. I assume it's something that goes through friends or is time sensitive, which would make it worthless to me either way. Estate Expansion is still 'coming soon', which seems like a bad sign already. Though there is a new, maybe, Gazebo that unlocks at level 20.

I then notice that I'm being called for 'Mine Disaster'? I head to Carrie's house for a designated portion of story. We talk for two or three seconds and then the 'quest' is over. I wouldn't really consider this a quest.

Then, as though this can't get any better, the game glitches out on me. An arrow point to 'Return Home', but won't let me click it. Clicking anything else says 'Please complete the task first', so I am in a relentless loop. At this point I just gave up.

In short:

If Suburbia 2 has been updated, it's with small, meaningless trinkets that don't fix the gameplay or story in any way. Though I didn't play too long, because the game also managed to bore me to tears and then glitched out. That itself is nearly unforgivable for a game that's been out this long.

Though there are new episodes... But with episodes like this, they aren't anything to be proud of. Literally two paragraphs of typed conversation accounts for 'story', so I'm not going to praise them for not abandoning their game. (Yet)

The game is also fraught with bugs that I didn't see. Common complaints have involved the inability to log in, the mail box, not getting rewards from videos, blank screens, and yes, I saw a few people still complaining about the spice. In short, Suburbia 2 is just as broken as before, just in different ways.

It also still lacks a real backbone and rewards with petty cash that is virtually unusable. It also begs for rubies. It also is going down the same road as Suburbia. While it's updating now, I wouldn't be surprised if in a year or so the game goes on a prolonged hiatus, which may only be broken by a possible Suburbia 3. These things come in cycles.

This is my warning: Don't go into Suburbia 2 thinking they learned from the first game. Companies don't 'learn' when it comes to making money and it's clear that they have already started cutting corners with content. The content itself isn't rewarding in the slightest, so unless you like wasting your time without any form of enjoyment I recommend looking elsewhere.

It's only a matter of time before the episodes slow down and stop. Then we'll get either a Suburbia 3 or a Suburbia spinoff, like "Suburbia in the Big Apple" or something. Then Suburbia 2 will probably be left to molder like its predecessor.

Look at what they've left us with...

"Leave it be, I say!"

Suburbia 2: A Facebook Game Continuation

Yes, you read that right, there is a Suburbia 2... Just to recap:
Suburbia was an abandoned game on Facebook that pretended it was still running, but was completely ignored by its creators. It continued taking money from unsuspecting people who didn't know that it stopped at Episode 6.

Then, without any warning, a sequel appeared on the Facebook page. To clarify, I checked Suburbia's original game and there's been no changes to it. It still claims that the next episode is 'on the way' after two years without any real updates. I'm assuming Suburbia was finally left to die while they worked on this sequel.

...So what's the sequel like? Surprisingly, Suburbia 2 is a bit different from the original Suburbia... But in mixed ways.

You play as yourself, inheriting a bakery from your missing uncle who may of ran off with a woman. Or murdered her. Or was murdered by her. That's the mystery this time around, but the game doesn't really focus itself on that. In fact, the game's focus is much different than in the original.

Instead of raising your skills, doing a job for money, and collecting furniture to make your house look nice; Suburbia 2's gameplay is primarily focused on running a bakery. So you spend a lot of your time farming resources and cooking meals, which take a pretty long amount of time, to progress in the story... Or what story there is. I'll go into that later.

As in the original, it wants you to shell out real money for its red rubies. Considering the situation with the first game, I hope people decide not to do this and instead wait twelve hours to bake a pie... So baking isn't even in real time, which would make more logical sense.

Completing orders is not a choice. You have to complete orders so that you can get story points to continue actually playing through the story. Not that the story is worth playing for. At least in the first Suburbia I was able to find a body pretty quickly, in this game all I've seen is 'character x wants y, gives vague story element that contradicts other ones, leaves'. I'll address more about this later.

So the gameplay involves a lot of waiting for resources and creations to be finished crafting, collecting them, and getting a few seconds of dialogue as a reward. The money system that you collect from the orders is practically pointless unless you want to buy stuff for the front room, but most of this is locked behind the dreaded ruby wall that blocks you from continuing playing.

Like, for instance, remember when you could go into a neighbor's house a shamelessly use their stuff, but just wouldn't get as much of a mood reward? You can't do that anymore. This is both good and bad. Bad because it limits choice and playability. Good because, well, the mood meter is completely gone! You don't need mood to keep going, which is great... But the price is the ruby paywall, the lack of actual stuff to do except farming resources, and the basic shell of a story.

And the story points really are a problem. Mostly because they aren't needed in between episodes, but in between the basic actions of the story. An episode can still be in progress, but you have to ship hundreds of apples just to talk with a different character than the one you were originally talking with.

With these waiting times, you'll be stuck for hours waiting for a pie to ship to the library, to get enough points to talk to a woman who may say something entirely pointless. It's unbelievable how much longer you have to wait in this game compared to the first one, and it doesn't help me feel better about my choice to actually play the game.

Another big issue is that some quests require items that you need to unlock through leveling, and leveling involves doing more orders... And the horrific cycle continues yet again

So, you think, it can't be that bad. Harvest a ton of ingredients and then set a lot of things to cook overnight... Nope, doesn't work. You have limited storage that you can't upgrade. (Or you can upgrade with rubies, but I haven't seen that option.) So you're basically damned if you do and damned if you don't. You're stuck constantly managing resources and wasting your time for no payoff.

Suburbia 2, with all pros and cons, is probably on the exact same level as the original game. However, with the questionable nature of the first game, I don't trust this one nearly as much. Giving them money is absolutely not an option under any circumstances, and even promoting the game with 'it's okay' feels like a slap in the face of those who needlessly lost money.

So, to be careful, I checked Suburbia 2's Facebook page and found a few recent comments that... Seem very significant. Because of privacy concerns, I won't mention these people's names, but I'll give a summery of what they said:

Person one said that, like Suburbia, once you hit a certain spot you get stuck behind a 'coming soon' episode wall. This time it's episode seven. She also mentioned a 'spice problem'.

Person two said that they were stuck in a glitch where all orders called for muffins, but they hadn't unlocked muffins, and couldn't without finishing orders.

Person three again mentions this spice problem. Person four mentions that the spice rack won't work at all.

Person five mentions a limit on neighbor visiting and sending gifts to other players. As I don't play with others, I wouldn't have noticed this.

The final person, and most important, mentions that they've been stuck for a week on the same story element, mostly because of this mysterious spice glitch. They say they get no response from the technical team, which doesn't shock me in the slightest, and have decided to quit.

So here's my thoughts... Yeah, no, this is awful. Every problem I mentioned and now there's a severe glitch screwing everyone over. Nobody should be playing this game. It's a tedious nightmare.

UPDATE:

I returned to Suburbia 2 after a few months and found out more. Firstly, they are at episode 11... But you have to pay rubies to get early access. Somewhat glad to see that they're still updating, but the ruby paywall is still heavy with this one.

Only a few people were complaining about spice, but I'm seeing people complain of various other glitches here and there. The biggest issue seems to be this; people are getting bored of the gameplay and are having a problem with the grinding it takes to make it to the next story element.

I'm not surprised in the slightest. Back when I wrote the first part of this, months ago, I questioned how long a game like this could last. These 'ingredient farming' games are everywhere and this one's only perk is a story that just won't get moving.

Another thing is some sort of delivery truck thing you can do in the higher levels. I haven't reached that point yet, but a LOT of people are saying that it is not paying out high enough. From the screenshots I'm seeing, they seem about right. You have a time limit to farm plenty of recipes and then only get a small amount of cash. I wonder if this is to sell rubies, to get everything done quicker?

And, just as expected, no plans to fix the first game. The first game still says 'coming soon'.

So... My final verdict is that this game is a chore. It's not even as fun as baking in real life and you have to feed it cash to get any sort of immediate reward. Just on principle alone, I don't think you should play this game. While they're updating now, whose to say that one day they won't just abandon this one too?

With the glitches and the boring mechanics, the slow story and the spice; this game just seems like a recipe for failure. If you want to try it, then be my guest, but I strongly warn against giving them money.

Also, so we're on the same page...

"Who are the Allens and why are they out of spice?"

What Remains of Edith Finch? Depression and little else.

What Remains of Edith Finch is what happens when someone tries to make something like Dear Esther, but attempts to give a hopeful and whimsical approach... But fails miserably, because the story is so depressing, the characters are all drags, and the moral itself is a complete dud.

The game's story is so confused that the moral, "life is short and strange, but should be celebrated", is almost completely undone by how pathetic it portrays life to be. Yes, these family members are... Interesting enough, but their only interesting aspect is their deaths (sometimes). The only people who take joy from their existence are people who wonder about their deaths.

And everyone is dead. Spoiler alert: everyone is dead and gone. You're walking through an empty house with no hope, alone, and feeling like you'd rather be anywhere else. The game does bring around emotions, but I personally found that I was having so little enjoyment out of the story that I wanted to be far away from it.

It doesn't even sit as a tribute to family and love. Unravel did a great job at that. Unravel made you feel what it was like to watch life move on. This game makes everyone either look like a jerk, look stupid, or just look like a depressed shell. The 'family' is just a collection of anecdotes.

As a relatively stressed person, this game didn't make me feel like life was worth living. It made me feel like, for a brief second, that life is completely pointless. What is the point of going on if you're going to die in an extremely convoluted and sometimes stupid way? What are these stories worth, if they are so basic and rehashed? (And extremely predictable as well.)

The game especially goes lengths to show that the effort of finding hope is fruitless. That no matter what you do, what goodness you try, you will be tormented in the end. That in the end, you will suffer. Yes, we all face death, but good job making everybody's death so pitiful.

In the end, I didn't feel connected to anyone. I just rolled my eyes at the extremely predictable ending and made myself something to eat. I was so bored that by time the game was over, that I was willing to do anything else. Even- gasp- stepping away from my computer.

Now, the whole thing about a curse?... Never addressed. Whether the stories are real or not, never addressed. A more interesting story waits in this bog of self-pity, but the game never allows us to see it. So many people are going to praise this game for its message, for the tragedy, but it's tragedy without a cause. There's no payoff in the end; you walk out of the house feeling like you wasted your time.

The house itself is sometimes interesting, but you're not discovering it. It's one of those handholding games, so you don't even have true exploration on your side. The narrator as well is also just a depressing voice to remind you how sad it is to be in a house with so much death and loneliness, and how sad you're supposed to feel, and how deep its supposed to be.

But What Remains of Edith Finch is only deep if your description of 'deep' involves mindless tragedy and nothing else. (And I mean mindless not as 'in the cosmic scheme' and more mindless in 'the writers clearly didn't give their all for all stories'.)

The game tries to give the illusion that there are highs, but there never are. Nobody dies in a way that makes you say, "Wow, that's amazing! Crazy way to die, but it was almost worth it." Most of the time, people die through stupid mistakes, and mistakes that aren't even worth thinking about.

Then there's the few cases where people are just written out. The missing brother feels less like an example of continued despair and more like they got lazy on writing his story. His room has a little character, but he isn't given any at all. You're in and out pretty quickly and only look at his drawing book for any sort of 'story'.

It doesn't help that, no matter who the narrator is, they are always such a buzzkill to listen to. Everyone's in a constant state of mourning, but unlike Dear Esther, this one keeps trying to up the stakes:
"Oh, the little boy falling off the cliff isn't enough? Here's a drowning baby. SEE, this is why you need to ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE. SEE?!"

Uh, no. Your moral is unbalanced and your game was almost, just almost as hard to watch as 'Everyone Goes to Rapture'. And in comparison to 'Gone Home', in this game you have much less to pick up and look at. You're in and out of a room in seconds.

Would you like to wander around a large house with only a few interesting items, a bunch of depressing moments, a sappily fake ending, and don't care about feeling unfulfilled? Then watch this game online. I don't recommend a buy. This... Thing isn't worth $20.

It's not scary, it's not whimsical, it's not interesting, it's not thought provoking.

It's just tragic... That this was the game everyone was hyping up. It's just a shame.

Rocknaldo: Steven Universe Review

Look, if this wasn't such a scenario then I wouldn't review this. I have decided to stop reviewing Steven Universe episodes and the reason is... Well, I'll go into it at the end of this review. For now, the basic idea is that the episode was such a display that I had to review it.

I know this episode is getting a lot of negative reactions and I can see why. Though I'm not passionate enough to have an instant hate and will try to use this to my advantage here. Instead, I will begin by saying that the writers of Steven Universe have had long enough to spot and fix a problem, but instead decided to capitalize on it in the worst of ways.

So the episode is basically... The most disliked character in SU acts even worse than usual, to the point that I feel like this is out of character for him, and the episode makes bland meta jokes that don't make up for the obvious annoyance that they portray. The episode tries to be witty, but instead manages to show why this season has felt so empty.

The Plot:

The episode begins with Ronaldo spreading material about the Crystal Gems, or Rock People, that he believes about. Steven points out that it's wrong and is clearly offended, but explains that he's uninformed. Ronaldo has an overdramatic display of apology... That feels extremely fake for someone whose been able to show emotions in the past.

Back at the Temple, the Crystal Gems talk dismissively about Ronaldo's internet pity-party, which ends with them finding out that he wants to join the Crystal Gems. The Gems don't agree, but Steven talks them into letting him stay. (This whole thing is obviously a reference to people who want Connie, Lapis, and other characters to become Crystal Gems.)

Steven then talks to Ronaldo, who mentions his Gemsona, Bloodstone, and then shows his sword... So, let's address the elephant in the room now. Yes, Cartoon Network teased about a new gem and it turned out to be Ronaldo. The trick was clearly see-through. The only thing annoying about this is that, alas, the show recognizes that the episode is annoying and plays into it like it is funny. While, again, I don't hate this episode, I know plenty of people are already bitter towards it.

Because the irony is this; making fun of your fans by making a character an awful mess doesn't always equal laughs. It was funny when Peridot made ships because, as goofy as she acted, she was still a lovable character. It's not funny when Ronaldo make an OC, but this is strictly because of what happens after this point in the episode.

The moment when Steven and Ronaldo play around with him being a gem is actually sweet for a short moment, but it turns sour quick.

The Crystal Gems have a mission- don't worry, they don't show it or explain anything about it- and leave Ronaldo behind. Ronaldo is upset, somewhat understandable, but almost immediately starts acting like a jerk. He begins to be bitter towards Steven and tells him to show off his gem. Steven does, uncomfortably.

That night, Ronaldo explains that he's no longer sleeping and keeps Steven awake. He tells Steven that, as a gem, he should stay awake all night. He's again being bitter, or maybe self-centered, it's hard to tell the difference. The next day, Ronaldo asks about Connie and doesn't understand why she gets treated better than him.

Steven calls him out as not being a Crystal Gem, Ronaldo calls Steven out for not being loving and understanding, Steven leaves but realizes he wasn't in the wrong and returns to a delirious Ronaldo. He yells at him and Ronaldo passes out. They drop him outside, poke jokes at him, and then the three headed Crystal Gem unit leaves.

Some time later, Steven finds Ronaldo staring out at the ocean. He's being angsty and starts to apologize, but it then sort of turns into a self-praise session instead of an actual apology. Then for the last few seconds of the episode he asks Steven about his name, briefly acting like a normal person, and the episode ends.

The Review:

...So the flaws are obvious; the writers decided that, instead of fixing Ronaldo's character, they were going to embrace it and make him act like the worst person ever. It's not even funny and the episode doesn't seem willing to make jokes that are actually funny. Then few of them that were identifiable were pretty weak.

I don't remember Ronaldo being such a jerk in the earlier episodes. Yes, he was unhinged in his first appearance, but in the second one he was, at least, a little nicer. This time, they tried their hardest to make him completely unlikable. They don't make Ronaldo a more fleshed out character, they don't build on him at all, and they (maybe) write off his behavior from sleep deprivation.

That still, Ronaldo continuously acts like a jerk to Steven. He treats Steven more aggressively than Lars does, and his change from 'happy' to 'jealous' is almost immediate. Maybe Ronaldo can't understand how he would need to train before his mission, but I'm not sure that I believe he, as Steven's friend, would become so aggressive so quickly.

Also, the Crystal Gems are doing there 'nothing to do/hive mind' thing again. All three appear at the same time, make comments, and leave until later. They feel shoehorned in since them being there and their dialogue is mostly pointless. They are there because they have to be there, and that's all they do.

Steven's... Okay. He's just Steven. He gets upset, he gets concerned, he gets annoyed, and he's supportive. He does what he usually does... Though the episode doesn't give him much to do. Steven just seems like the designated 'victim' of the episode.

Like The New Crystal Gems, which I didn't review, this episode has an uncomfortably mean-spirited tone with even less of an outcome. Though I think that one left a more bitter taste in my mouth. This one... Sort of just disappointed me. I cared enough about this one to rewatch and make this review, so that's something.

I'd like to clarify that I don't dislike this episode because it isn't a plot-centric episode. I dislike it because it's actually filler (no character building of any real kind) and it's not even fun or amusing. It's just so hard to watch because you can see where they're trying to be meta, but just can't achieve anything better than a reference.

How I would make it better:

This is actually very basic as this plotline is not a new one. Here's my ideas.

Ronaldo wants to join the Gems, Steven talks for him, he joins. Then, instead of being a jerk, Ronaldo is annoying in understandable ways and generally unfit for the job. Such as him getting overexcited, putting his stuff everywhere, constantly swinging his sword around; doing stuff that the Gems would get annoyed at but the audience could understand. Then they give Ronaldo a basic mission, or errand really, and Ronaldo fails.

Steven finally has to tell Ronaldo that he is unfit for the job. Either one or two options occur:

1: Ronaldo is distraught and falls into depression, Steven feels guilty, but weeks later Ronaldo appears again and apologizes. He realizes that he wasn't really professional and decides that he wants to 'earn' a place at the Crystal Gems. For now, he will continue to spread information that they approve, and he hopes someday to be a part of the group.

2: Ronaldo gets angry and calls out Steven's lack of compassion, Steven calls him back out on his behavior, and Ronaldo decides to 'prove' he's fit for the job. Maybe by successfully completing the errand. Though in this process he realizes that he was goofing around and he and Steven mend their relationship. Ronaldo decides to take the job as 'Crystal Gem' more seriously and moves back home so that he can continue studying and training out of the way.

Either of these would both allow Ronaldo to grow, make Steven realize the difference between friends and partners, and would give a more hopeful end to the episode. Instead... Ronaldo is a jerk who nobody respects and the episode just stops in the same place it started.

Or, also still, have the entire episode the same, but then when Steven calls out Ronaldo, have Ronaldo realize his mistake and actually apologize. It wouldn't fix the lack of jokes, or give the episode a real point, but at least I would feel a little better once the episode was over. That's something.

Final Thoughts:

While Ronaldo has a slew of poor episodes, Rocknaldo goes above and beyond to make Ronaldo even more unlikable. It doesn't manage to bring around any good or even new jokes, and is unable to do anything more than make a few basic references. The moral of the episode is shot and, while shows don't have to have morals, this one suffers from a lack of direction.

It's another example of using Steven as a sympathy card on us. After last week, it's hard to efficiently feel bad for Steven over something so little. Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst are only there because they have to be and don't really do anything except for the standard. Again, Ronaldo's character declines even further.

If there's any sort of reference in here towards foreshadowing... Then it's hard to care for it. The only thing close was mind controlling water, and something about that premise sounds just a little... Okay, I'll be blunt; I think mind control always falls into cheap plot developments. I'm not impressed. Though, again, it's hard to get excited about a show that has so many episodes like this.

Is Rocknaldo one of the worst episodes I've seen? Maybe, mostly because it has no payoff or legit use except character destruction. However, am I surprised to see it this season?... Not entirely. I sort of knew this was eventually coming. I may watch it again in the future, but only to poke fun of it and use it as an example of 'filler' in Steven Universe. Or, at least, a bad episodes.

Why I stopped reviewing Steven Universe:

SU is going down a path that I'm not interested in. The once fleshed out characters feel like they are reverting to 'just being there'. Or in Lapis and Peridot's cases, seem to become more unlikable every time I see them, rendering once interesting characters into broken joke machines.

Even Steven has gone from a genuinely nice and entertaining kid to constantly angsting. I get it, it's his age, but it's hard to watch a once bubbly but determined, fierce but caring, character devolve into one whose constantly lamenting about Rose. I don't just mean 'Storm in the Room' either. Remember that episode where the show averted tropes by having Steven be indifferent towards Rose, unable to cry for her, because he never got to know her?

Well, now he's constantly in a state of turmoil of the Rose. I know it's supposed to be character development, but he's not exactly developing. He's more 'stuck in the normal protagonist rut'. He's sharing an issue, a lament, and angst that tones of other protagonists share. I can't really help but feel less attached.

And now the worst has happened with plot-centric and slice-of-life episodes. Plot-centric episodes now drop hints, but don't exactly have a bang for their buck. Most of the time they are just present to suggest towards something more interesting that will eventually come to be.

Meanwhile, slice-of-life episodes no longer show much character development and interaction. This is because the show sometimes becomes afraid to break up the 'gem' unit.

Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst are always stuck together. Peridot and Lapis are always stuck together. So there's even fewer episodes where they break apart and bond with other people. How much better would 'The New Crystal Gems' have been if there were more humans and less Peridot and Lapis bickering. What if Lapis met Sadie and Lars? Would she actually be amused by Lars cynical nature? These could've been interesting interactions that the show is too scared to tell.

What if, in Rocknaldo, Ronaldo had private incidents with each of the gems that convinced him that he was not ready to join them? Instead of just annoying Steven, we see how each Gem would've reacted, felt, and how patient they would've been with him. Instead, they're stuck together.

What about Peridot and Ronaldo? These two have a lot of common interests, but how would they act if they were friends? What things would happen between them? Would they compete on the internet, or would they somehow be friendly with each other? We may never know this because, as it is, humans and gems barely interact unless Steven's playing a barrier between them.

On the whole, I've been getting more into Star vs. the Forces of Evil. While not as serious as Steven Universe, I find that I get a lot more entertainment out of it. More amusement, more obvious character transformations, and the plot is growing at a healthier rate. I can't wait until Season 3... Meanwhile, I almost missed last week's episode of SU.

What do I think would make the show better? More diverse character interactions, saving the cast from the character potholes they're stuck in, more fun episodes that don't need to rely on 'what's in', and more episodes of equal plot and slice-of-life. Like, why can't we get another Centipeedle episode? Or why can't the group talk about Jasper in an episode that doesn't involve her?

It's as though SU holds all of its aces close to its chest and deals them out spaciously, but recently has waited longer and longer in between these aces. I'm hoping maybe this season has just been a bore and it will eventually right itself, but as it is I find myself less interested in looking towards episodes. And, considering our last finale, I can't rightly say that I look forward to the finale either.

So that's all that I have to say here. I give Rocknaldo a rock out of Ronaldo; that should sum my feelings up exactly.

As for reviews... Meh, I don't know. I may eventually do more, but for now I find it hard to force myself to write an essay on a lackluster episode... Or a lackluster season.