My Candy Love: Finding love by pacing hallways.

    My Candy Love is an online dating sim that involves multiple choices and rewards depending on relationships formed with the characters. A few years ago I played this game constantly and was coming in every day to get my daily action points so that I could see what I could do next. Basically you woo the boys, make friends with the girls, and eventually unlock specific illustrations depending on which character you impress. One wrong answer will drop your affection, one right one will raise it, and you play through the basic high school drama.

Except that there is one big, big problem with this game. Before I get into it, you gain some energy and some money on a daily basis. Money can be used for buying clothing, but it also can be needed in the episode itself. Little trinkets bought in the storyline, like a CD or a bottle of water, usually run a small amount. At the end of an episode you usually have to buy an outfit for whichever guy's illustration you unlocked, which runs much higher, but at this point you'll have the money.

Before you mistakenly think that this is because the episodes are long, it is not. Many of the episodes are actually remarkably short with few decisions to make. Oh no, it's because of all the excess time that gets wasted in the process. See, let me explain; to continue through the game you have to do objectives in the story. Let's say you have to take papers to Nathan in the office and you're in the courtyard. It takes two energy to get to the hall and two to get to the office. No big deal, right?

Wrong.

See, you get ten energy a day, but every step takes two... So you get five energy a day and they absolutely do not refill before Midnight the next day. Not to mention there is a high chance that the character will not be there. This is a higher problem later in the game when more characters are added, because now you do have a chance to spawn others. So let's say the first time you enter there's nobody, then there's Melody, then there's nobody twice, then you finally find Nathan. That's fourteen energy, if we don't count getting there from the courtyard, and you basically did nothing.

That's on a lucky day too. Sometimes you can wander the school and look for someone so long that you run into other characters multiple times. I've done this so many times that sometimes the other characters simply stop giving dialogue and the random student I need to find is absent. It doesn't help that students' primary location may or may not move depending on the episode. It doesn't help that your choice doesn't matter on whether or not you have to sprint around the school.

In one episode a girl named Deborah comes looking for Castiel, one of the main love interests, and your character becomes suspicious and snoops. Even though I would rather snoop on someone else I get stuck doing this, and I feel both nosy and uninterested. Why can't it be a 'snoop' episode on whichever boy I want? Not to mention that this plot lasts, oh, five or so episodes for a character I really could care less about. Bad boys aren't my type.

There is a big narrative problem here as well, being that I can't choose which episodes I want to do. I know normally that's the point, but if I'm interested in someone else other than Castiel I have numerous episodes that focus on him and end with an illustration of someone else. Kind of pointless. The dialogue is also pretty alarming in two different ways.

Firstly, sometimes I'm hit with two equally offensive dialogue boxes and want to say neither, but can't. Your character by default is pretty outspoken, quirky, gets in the middle of things she shouldn't really, and seems to always say the worst possible thing even when you have a choice. It's hard to get invested in this girl, I guess her name's Candy, because she just screws everything up. I remember high school; drama existed, but I don't remember causing it constantly by saying the dumbest things.

Secondly, it's very hard to tell which dialogue options will help which characters. Sometimes they're obvious, but sometimes they aren't. Like Castiel, for one; one sarcastic answer will be the right one but then the next time you use sarcasm it rapidly drops his moods. Why? The same with Nathan, but his problem is three identical answers. Imagine having, "Okay", 'Yeah", and "Sure" as answers and having one wrong, one neutral, and one right. That's what a lot of Nathan's dialogue feels like.

And you're saying, "It can't get worse." But it can. One wrong dialogue choice can spell you not getting an illustration, and some of the choices are completely asinine. "Hey, X, right or left?" "Err... Left?" "Yeah, I knew you'd agree with me! Let's go outside and stand around." I find the most interesting illustrations are the holiday ones, by far. You can buy them with 100 AP or, you know, just be there on the holiday to unlock them. Some of them bring out really interesting stuff.

It seems like a lot of points, but if you break it down you get a good amount of content, especially since in these episodes you don't have to spend any extra AP, usually get an outfit, get an illustration, and sometimes even a bonus of some kind. For the same amount you can wander the halls. Trust me, I've spent AP easily. When I started playing the other day I had 100 AP for some reason and went through it trying to lead a friend to go to the teacher's lounge, find the teacher, and some dialogue options. It's sort of insane if you think about it.

There's also a few minigames that help you win AP. The first is a daisy petal minigame that nine out of ten times manages to fail. When it doesn't it usually gives only a little AP, literally. The other is whatever 'club' you get in episode three; gardening or basketball. Gardening is where you have to choose sprays and kill bugs while basketball is a pong clone. I chose gardening out of preference, but it's obvious that the basketball minigame is easier to get further in, which gives you more points.

As far as I'm concerned, there should be more minigames. They only give about four points on a really good day, two moves, so adding another minigame wouldn't be that bad. By which I mean one you don't have to pay for; you can play the other club game, but it will cost three points.

Then there's mortal pillow which unlocks at some point... Basically choose random moves and hope you win a pillow fight. Not fun, not interesting, and the points you need to win points are staggering. Even when the boards reset you find people in their hundreds after only a few minutes.

All in all, the challenges the game throws at you are not enough to keep you playing. Take it from me who played for almost a year and then quit without returning until now, at least two years later. The game is cute enough and the characters seem interesting enough, but that doesn't make the experience any better when you literally spend your days walking down hallways, searching needlessly for one specific character.

Play if you have incredible patience, but if you don't just avoid at all costs.

My Top 10 Favorite Video Game Heroines

I know I'll probably have a list that others disagree with, but these are my favorite female characters from video games. Some popular, some not well known, but all ones who I personally could look up to. Also, the photos in this blog were found online under Google Searches. I do not own them.

First let me go over a couple of honorable mentions:

GLaDOS: I really considered putting her on, but even stretching it GLaDOS would be more of an antagonist than a heroine, and not even really an anti-heroine. So I'll bench her until I arrive at a proper list.

Clementine: From the Walking Dead series, Clementine grew through the seasons from an innocent child to one that could protect herself. I still don't feel as close to her as I do these other ten, but she is very respectable, being able to take down both zombies and adults... To be fair I think the only reason she's not on this list is because of my own troubles with the Walking Dead game, which I won't dwell on.

Now onto my actual list.
MY TOP: 10 Favorite Video Game Heroines

10: Faith Conners from Mirror's Edge



I put her so low on this list because she's basically getting a reboot in the near future and I know there's a chance her personality will be changed. Technically that's going to be her canonical character after it comes out so for now I'm talking about Faith from the first game.

Faith's sheer strength and speed is astounding. She leaps over rooftops and takes down blues, 'cops', with little effort on her part to disarm them. Not only that, but Faith fears little, and is willing to get involved in uncovering a large conspiracy to save her framed sister, Kate. She is undeniably loyal. Nothing shakes her faith in her own abilities.

Between her incredible feats of strength and her firm morals, I can have the utmost faith in Faith.

9: Princess Garnet from Final Fantasy 9



In my opinion, Garnet is a princess done right. She's not merely a damsel in distress, but a growing and fluctuating character who goes from needing help to becoming a strong summoner and white mage over the course of the game. Not only that, but taking over as Queen of her kingdom, a feat that most princess characters, like Peach for one, don't ever tend to do. Then she prepares to protect her kingdom.

That being said, Garnet can be naive and too trusting, relying on her mother until the point that the Queen is actually willing to kill her, but does eventually learn and starts to become more cautious. What's great about Garnet is not that she's a perfect character, she's certainly not, but that she's able to learn and grow.

8: Rouge the Bat from Sonic the Hedgehog



Out of all of the female characters in the Sonic line up, which would be quite a long line including the current roster, Rouge is the one whose always stuck with me. While she is primarily a thief, she also works as a GUN agent and does her job relatively well, using her mix of stealth and acrobatics. Rouge is also a skilled fighter and has been able to hold herself against Knuckles, using her strong legs and wings to get a clear advantage.

This is a clear contrast with most of the other female characters, like Cream, whose frequently a damsel and distress, and Amy... Whose also usually a damsel in distress. Rouge wasn't made just to be saved and stands quite well when fighting for what she needs, or wants.

Confident, clever, and not afraid to stand up against anything coming after her as long as there's a big enough jewel waiting for her if she succeeds; Rouge is a strong and independent heroine (when she wants to be).

7: Shantae from Shantae



Shantae's spunk is only outdone by her magical skills as a genie. She can belly dance to transform, whip her hair to take down enemies, and keeps her home safe from any outside threats. What makes Shantae even more impressive is that for a period of time she did lose her magical abilities and was still able to make due with a variety of found weapons belonging to Risky Boots, her enemy who she was stuck in a truce with.

Perhaps she is a little unexperienced, Shantae is still relatively young compared to some of the other females on this list, but she still throws herself in head first and pulls out pretty well. You don't want this girl shaking her fist at you, but you will certainly want her protecting your town.

6: Samus from Metroid



Before anyone asks, Samus is lower on the list because I know she's on a ton of other lists. Still, what Samus accomplished, becoming one of the first female characters to take storm over the others, is quite a feat in and of itself... There's not really anything I can say other than that. Everything's already been said hundreds of times about Samus.

5: Marina from Mischief Makers



Marina is basically an intergalactic maid who takes care of an accident prone professor, but on a more descriptive note she is much more. She's strong, determined, and has a moral compass that always points towards good. Marina's sheer strength and ability to 'shake' things are quite impressive. She works with her cyborg body like a pro and fights creatures double her size.

Not to mention she does truly care for her professor who, in an ironic twist, gets kidnapped so much that it could rival some damsels in distress. She is willing to drop everything and throw herself fully into danger to save him. Her selflessness is certainly remarkable and her reward at the end is to become human, which depending on your inputted age will be either a girl or a woman.

Plus, Marina's one of the only girls I've seen knock around a guy when he gets too handsy.

4: Kazooie from Banjo-Kazooie



Kazooie's got a sharp beak and isn't afraid to use it in more ways than one. Even though Banjo's 'sidekick', her use is shown through exactly how many of Banjo's attacks rely fully on Kazooie. In fact, it seems relatively possible that Kazooie could have done most of the quest on her own. But Banjo and her make a better team and balance each other out well.

Does that affect how good of a character she is? Not at all. She can hold her own fine. It's good to have a friend like Banjo too, as Kazooie's sharp tongue doesn't make her many friends. Then again, she doesn't need to be popular to be happy; she just needs a proper adventure and some baddies to beat. Or maybe a witch head to bat around in a friendly game.

3: Elizabeth from Bioshock Infinite



There's no surprise why Elizabeth is here. She is on many top female characters lists, but I think it's worth putting her on it again. Elizabeth is certainly intelligent and, in the beginning of the game, is much more naive than towards the end of the game when she firms up. Through the course of the game she endears hardships and harsh realizations, becoming stronger along the way.

Not to mention her ability to open reality tears; literally tearing reality apart with her hands. This, as well, starts to become more powerful over the game until the point at the end of the game where she can see every reality, or all of the 'doors'. In a way she becomes omnipotent.

...However, I have a small bit of a confession. Personally I like Elizabeth's personality before all of the corruption sinks in; when she is smiles and wonder about her new world. That's the tragedy about her character; there's no going back to that girl she was before when she left the tower. She will always be tainted by what she saw and now sees her world for what it is. The look of someone's dreams shattered.

Elizabeth is both the cage and the bird, flying free and returning trapped again, over and over... On another note, I may be the only person who likes the cage cameo better.

2: Midna from Legend of Zelda


Midna is a perfect example of a side character done right. In a single game the Twilight Princess took storm as one of the first characters, apart from the main three (Link, Zelda, Ganondorf) to really take the stage and make it her own. Midna starts out with her own goals in mind, making an almost one-sided deal to help Link if he helps her, not thinking much of the world of light.

Yet as the story progresses, as she gets closer to Link, she starts to realize her selfish behavior and even reveals how she's been usurped from her throne. Zelda's sacrifice confirms her decision and she rises to stop Zant and Ganondorf by Link's side. Not only does this give Midna fleshed out character development not usually found in a Legend of Zelda game.

Her power alone is obvious early on and only grows with the fused shadow. From a simply sphere of energy that can shatter chains, to killing one of the main antagonists by impaling him with her hair, and finally becoming a larger, more powerful form to break into the barrier surrounding Hyrule Castle. Everything Midna does feels strong while feeling like she could always do more, even when severely injured by Zant midway through the game.

Even though her character was watered down in Hyrule Warriors, to make way for the excessive attention on Lana and a weird focus on shoving Link and Zelda together as a couple, she still pulls out a cool moment when she sucker punches the villain with her hair. Regardless of being a lesser character, Midna still manages to stand out, and that shows something amazing for her.

1: Alice from American Mcgee's Alice and Madness Returns



For years I admired Alice Liddell. She was one of the first female characters who I looked at and could honestly say that she was badass. After losing her parents and sister in a fire, Alice went insane and somehow survived years in a mental hospital before snapping alert inside of Wonderland to take her mind back. Of course there's hiccups along the way, deaths and tears, but Alice still keeps going and pushes herself further, saving herself. Then, after leaving the asylum, must save her mind again from a new threat that may be something there all along.

Alice is strong willed, snarky, and sharp-witted, not to mention especially skilled with a Vorpal Blade. She has a slew of other weapons as well from both games; the Croquet Mallet, the Pepper Grinder, and many more. Normal monsters and baddies don't make her bat an eye, not second guessing herself until stuck in an actual bind, and even then she still manages to push through.

Eventually she rises to claim her Wonderland and becomes at ease with both worlds, for the moment, and finally free of her Survivor's Guilt for being the only one who survived the fire that killed her family. Finally she manages to move on.

Alice is not damaged; she's gone through hell and back but still pulls through with her mind intact enough to know what she needs to do. Whether in the gloomy city of London or the seemingly bright world of Wonderland, she rights herself and continues to fight on. It is quite an impressive feat and while balancing on the edge of insanity at any moment, she continues to survive.

There was no way I couldn't put Alice at the top of my list. She is an impressive heroine who manages to smite the one villain who gave her a run for her money; herself. As of the last appearance of Alice, seeming in the Otherland shorts, Alice is still moving on with her head high and nothing standing in her way.

Thank you for reading! Please click a few ads and stay close by for my 'Top 10 video game Heroines I can't stand'. Title may change. 

Cringeworthy Characters: Dodie from As Told By Ginger

As Told by Ginger was a cartoon airing on Nick that dealt with the life and times of Ginger Foutley, a preteen-teen girl who deals with middle school drama, high school drama, and her home life. I personally liked the show for a while, though I think the animation is pretty rough and I think some of the later seasons make all of the characters basically unlikable. However, there is one that stands out above all, a widely hated character from most people who watch it. Seriously, look at the comment section of any Dodie-centric episode. There is a lot of hate.

Unfortunately it is much deserved hate as well. Dodie Bishop may be a realistic character with her faults, but she's still frustrating and aggressive. I'm going to do a bit different of an approach to this one than before. Instead of reviewing two episodes alone, I'm going to review two of her worst episodes and then list a line of everything else that she's done, because it's simply an awful excuse for a friend. First, let's start with the list of mini things.

In the episode 'Cry Wolf', the main problem of the episode, being Miranda blackmailing Ginger, is brought on by Dodie's gossip about her friend.
In 'Season of Caprice', Dodie becomes overbearing on her friends in an attempt to impress the counselors.
In 'Lunatic Lake', Dodie blames Carl for ruining their trip when it was actually her mother. It's one of the few times that she's called out on her behavior.
In 'Love with a Proper Transfer Student', Dodie becomes jealous and angry at Ginger because of her getting close to her crush in the play, not even aware that Ginger does have a crush on him.
In 'Next Question', Dodie coaxes Ginger into asking her teacher out, leading to an embarrassing moment. (Though Ginger made it much worse for herself.)
In 'Wicked Game', Dodie and Macie attempt to break Ginger and Darren up through dirty means. The only reason I didn't use this episode is because I may review it at another time.
In 'Heat Lightning', Dodie throws a fit when Ginger goes to Courtney for advice.
In 'Fair to Cloudy' Dodie fights with Ginger about bringing Darren with them to the Fair and invites Courtney along to spite her. (It's worth noting that Darren was always the fourth in their group of friends so the jealousy is slightly confused.)
In 'Kiss Today Goodbye' Dodie knows Darren is with another girl and decides not to tell Ginger and instead tells Darren to do so. (Though arguably it was Darren's place to say, she could've at least not waited as long.)

Now we go onto the two episodes to really look at her cringeworthiness; 'Of Lice and Friends' and 'Dodie's Big Break'. These episodes are also good as they take place in what I would consider the two periods, middle school and high school, as most personalities changed a bit once in high school.

'Of Lice and Friends' begins with an assembly where Dodie is chosen to make the morning announcements. The position almost immediately goes to her head when she's noticed by popular girl Courtney. Later she's shown to already get too invested with her position, upset that the announcements aren't that exciting and getting the go-ahead to spice them up. She adds in some gossip along the way, which catches the interest of the kids and gains her fans.

Dodie starts taking more gossip even when Ginger suggests that she stops. It starts to increase right around the time when it is revealed that there is a lice outbreak. Soon Dodie reveals over the intercom that Ginger's mother is going to be the 'lice lady'. I'm not sure why this is so embarrassing, but it is clearly frustrating to Ginger who calls her out. Dodie considers it a hot story and is unapologetic, even becoming upset at Ginger. By the next day the two are no longer speaking.

Ginger complains to Macie that she can't trust Dodie. (Yet later forgives her as usual, spoiler alert.) Courtney is revealed to have lice. The next day, I guess, Dodie asks the janitor about notes and talks about how important it is that she has something good to say, because everyone 'hangs on her word'. Peeking around in the office she manages to find the lice report and sees it as a way to make herself more popular. So during the morning announcements she begins listing students with lice.

Spurred on by Courtney, Ginger rushes to the office and unplugs Dodie, stopping her from saying Courtney's name but not stopping her from humiliating the other kids. They get in a brief fight and Ginger storms out. Later Lois, Ginger's mother tells Ginger to make up with Dodie. On the phone they both apologize for their behavior and the episode ends.

Let's talk about how awful the moral at the end is; Ginger apologizes with Dodie about what happened. Ginger shouldn't apologize because nothing she did was out of line, when Dodie recieved no comeuppance for her selfish, cruel, and even negligent behavior. She even is confirmed to keep doing the announcements from her own words. There is absolutely no reason that Dodie shouldn't give a full and honest apology instead of a 'me too' one.

So as you see so far, Dodie is a popular obsessed girl whose willing to stab anyone in the back if she thinks it'll make her popular. She's also diluted; thinking that she'll get popular for rattling out gossip. As far as I'm concerned she left some of the popular girls impressed, but I never saw them inviting her to patrol the school with them. It's to the point that she walks on Ginger and Macie, but then neither girl ever dreams of cutting ties.

Now Dodie's Big Break.

It begins with Ginger looking and feeling awful when coming back to school. Apparently she's already back to school after what was a clearly rough surgery. Dodie appears in a mascot outfit and reveals she's, surprise, the school mascot. The next day Ginger and Macie watch Dodie's display with the pep squad, even though she's in pain and bitter about her recent failed relationship.

Dodie dances too close to the cheerleaders' pyramid routine and they fall on her. The next day Ginger and Macie are worried as they haven't heard from her, mind you that they are her best friends, and find out that she is now both wheelchair bound and a member of the cheerleading squad. At this point Dodie start to be constantly cared for by the cheerleaders and continues ignoring Dodie and Macie. They're even sent away by the cheerleaders when they try to approach.

Finally they confront her at her house only to spot her faking her injuries. Ginger calls out Dodie on her actions and Dodie challenges her, saying that nobody will believe her. As expected, Dodie keeps faking her injuries, and any attempt to have her trip herself up fails. Finally they trap her in the bathroom and knock her out of the wheelchair. Dodie cries and throws a big tantrum, then basically brags about being a mascot, and eventually Ginger comforts Dodie, regardless of her previous behavior.

The episode continues to drag along as the coach refuses to keep her as the mascot and Dodie cries again, which means we're supposed to feel sorry for her. Ginger even insists that Dodie should be forgiven and confronts the coach, cornering her until Dodie gets an audition, which she botches. Regardless the coach gives her the mascot job back and promises that she can try out the next year.

Both of these episodes show the same thing; Dodie being selfish, not caring about her friends, obsessed with herself, and regardless of what she does always is forgiven by the end. All this episode says is that no matter what is done to you, if you're a good friend you're forced to forgive them. Again Dodie gets no comeuppance at all under the accusation of the coach's bias.

Regardless if the coach is biased or not, what Dodie did was basically blackmail. They try to act like she didn't realize they let her join the cheerleaders because she is injured, but if that was the case why would she continue the act with no intention to stop? Not to mention that her behavior towards her friends it both negligent and aggressive, and any smart person would drop the friendship.

What's even worse is that this is what all Dodie-centric episodes tend to be. Whenever she does anything wrong she's immediately forgiven. One big example is when she and Macie try to break Ginger and Darren up. I wasn't planning on mentioning it, but it's worth bringing up. What they did was so manipulative and backstabbing that Ginger should've no longer been their friend, but instead the episode ended on a cliffhanger and by the next episode they were friends again.

What really happened? Well, they knew that there would have to be emotions present, so they just pretended it never happened. Apparently it's brought up later in a throw away line, but it doesn't matter. Dodie repeatedly does spiteful and aggressive things to two girls she's known since elementary school, and she never really faces consequences for it. What a witch... Or a bitch.

Dodie: A.K.A. Podie Dipshot
Occupation: Leeching off her friends and clawing for popularity.
Hobbies: Back stabbing, being bitter, and treading on her friends.
Lives in her own fantasy world, which is completely focused on herself.
Current state: Closed for business.

Reviewing Facebook Games: (Cooking Mama, Dessert Shop, Panic Room, Diner Dash)

More Facebook games to review. So many Facebook games, not enough time.

Cooking Mama: Let's Cook! (a handful of recipes)

I have played Cooking Mama before so I am familiar with the game and, on the whole, this game holds the standards of the others games. The movements work on the laptop as well as they did on game systems, or they feel like they do. The meals are still broken into mini-game-like steps that are easy to understand.

However, there's one fatal flaw. Instead of a heart system like most games, where you have to recharge your energy, Cooking Mama only has four recipes. From what I know you can unlock more recipes by playing for seven days in a row. You may be able to get some by completing Papa's Challenges, but most of the time his rewards are practically worthless decorating items.

This basically makes the game become a chore. Play one day then come back in every day just to register that you were there so that you don't have to make yet another steak. I mean, you can combine recipes in amusing ways, but it doesn't make up for the repetition. Three days of challenges giving pointless items make me weary of Cooking Mama.

To clarify again; the cooking gameplay is fine, but the small selection of recipes, the challenges that repeat recipes constantly, and the pitiful rewards are what brings the game down.

It's fun at first, but quickly becomes a chore. Ironically a decent metaphor for cooking itself.

Update: Made it to the end of the week and got a recipe, completed it in a few minutes and combined it with another recipe for fun. Now out of things to do for the next week.

Dessert Shop: Cafeland's Strange Sibling

I mentioned that there wasn't really anything to do in Cafeland. Dessert Shop fixes that problem, but in the process creates a few of its own. You basically run a dessert based shop instead of a cafe, but all this means is a limited selection of menu items, which at first doesn't seem too bad until you find yourself stuck clicking all over the screen. Click this, click that, click this again and then click that to create X to put into oven with Y to make the other.

There's a reason the dining room is so small and the rest of the restaurant is extremely spacious as you unlock it. The goal isn't serving customers, it's clicking a few things to unlock something, to click something else, to wait, to be able to have something on a display counter for when customers who pass in get hungry. There's still the lingering problem like Cafeland where the food will sit for too long. Missions will ask you to make other foods, but the first ones will still sit there as customers slowly appear and vanish. This becomes more of a problem when you serve more than one meal.

Even though there's more stuff to click, Dessert Shop is only slightly improved over Cafeland. Yet it doesn't feel any more fun. I played it for a few days and noticed that I could stick with it a little better than Cafeland, but soon afterwards lost all interest into continuing.

Panic Room: Don't panic, just play.

By which I mean, Panic Room is actually a pretty good game. It's a hidden object game where you complete quests and find items to get through missions and through the story. The storyline would be that the Puppet Master has kidnapped you and taken you into his mansion where you have to play his game with a group of others to escape. Along the way you can collect items to help you, like medicine or food to heal you and give your more energy.

Whenever you open a door, or play a level, it injures your hands and causes you to bleed energy out. This is what limits your energy and it, like the other games, refuels over time. The fact that they explain why you are losing energy is a small detail that I think goes a long way. At least it's a bit more of a story to add onto it.

The scenes of the mansion are nice to look at and put you in the 'dark mansion' sort of mood. The music and sound effects are also quite nice There's also the risk of traps, though I haven't seen them. I'm guessing that they are activated when you click the wrong thing, but I'm not fully certain. At least it sets the mood, but it doesn't give a sense of actual danger.

After playing a couple of other hidden object games on Facebook, I can say that it is the story and tone that makes it stand out a bit more. It's nothing like the hidden object games you'll find on Big Fish Games but it is a nice one to play without having to pay, especially since it advertised that they frequently add more missions to the game with updates.

I recommend a play and I think I'll probably have fun with this game for quite a while longer!

Diner Dash: Dumpster Dash

Diner Dash is one of my favorite games, but this version is a cash grab if there ever was one. The game's difficulty spikes very soon in and becomes generally unplayable. You're rushed with customers who lose hearts relatively quickly. The customers at the table are much, much worse; they will go from three hearts to one in a matter of seconds just because I delivered someone else's food before their's.

The last level I completed, with the celebrity, was practically impossible to complete. Even if you get everyone out of the restaurant, the command to 'click paparazzi away' never worked.They came in immediately, fidget when clicked and then whisk her away. Of course I had to get a perfect score with her to continue. At the sacrifice of five other customers I managed to spam click for my life and succeed.

It doesn't help that Flo is impossible to control. Most of the time she barely moves and I've had her completely ignore commands. I'll send her repeatedly to put a ticket away and yet she'll still be carrying it with her after numerous goes. When she lags the rest of the game does not; I'll lose a wave of customers solely because Flo is too busy stuck in a loop. I also hate that I managed to randomly get an automatic mop that cleans spills yet Flo still stops on them and cleans when in the vicinity. She takes a bit too long cleaning as well.

Also, the spills are a nightmare. I remember when a family would make a spill in the other games and I'd be annoyed because I had to grab a mop. In this game I had one coffee addict create five spills at one time, and naturally Flo's walk path to the ticket taker got a hair too close to two of the spills and cleaned both. In this time both Barb tables went down a heart. It's not like you can give them coffee either when you have to shell out so much to the constant Shakers.

There are two currencies; the coins that you get from playing and the bucks that you sometimes get but usually have to buy. Almost all of the needed upgrades that will help you have any form of fun need bucks. Almost all of the decor options too, and the few ones that don't take a lot of coins. Needed upgrades like the coffee machine can be unlocked, and bought with gold coins, through the levels, but the difficulty, again, will stunt you. When you can't even unlock proper decor items to raise patience you know there's a problem.

The game also constantly logs you out. Sometimes it takes three minutes, but sometimes I'll go to use the bathroom, not even take three minutes, come back, and then I'm logged out. This game also has awful servers, and I've never had a game's loading bar decrease, then increase, and then decrease again. This happens every time it sneaks and 'logs me out'. A true hassle. It constantly spams messages that say either 'my browser is slow' or 'our servers our full'. Game, figure it out. Is it my fault or yours?

Dragging customers never works; sometimes it takes two or three tries to grab a customer, sometimes they get stuck on the wrong colored table and you get stuck seating them. I already mentioned the customers always dropping hearts rapidly. Turning on the jukebox helps, but dishing out menus is just a hassle and a waste of time, especially when the people at the tables are so aggressive.

Then there's the energy. Oh boy, this is a big issue. You lose energy with each level, like most games work. To compare to other games; Suburbia has 15 points of energy and you use one per most actions, though some don't require any, and a point restores every five minutes. Panic Room usually has 120, uses 15-25 depending on room, restores every three minutes, and can be restored quicker with food that you can get as rewards occasionally. Then there's Diner Dash... Diner Dash has three energy points, three alone, and takes a whopping thirty minutes to restore. I couldn't even fathom this!

I mean, consider this; Panic Room takes a while to refresh fully as well, but I can play quite a few more scenes. I feel like I'm doing more in Panic Room, especially when there's a chance that the Diner Dash game will glitch out and cheat me into losing, or log me out if I have to pause for even a split second.

You're probably wondering if there's a reason I'm having all of these problems. There is; I'm not paying. All of the good, almost needed, upgrades are behind a thick paywall. All of the bonuses, the powerups, the decor, all of it is asking for money, and that is completely out of the question. I won't put money into a game that already has so many issues in it; that's insane.

While I do enjoy the other Diner Dash games, this was just a mess, and I would be fine with never playing it again.

Until next time! Speaking of money related matters, feel free to randomly click on some adds around my post if you want to. Don't worry, it's not required to do to read any of my posts!

Cringeworthy Characters: Taffy, from Rugrats

I stopped watching Rugrats back when I was about six or seven. Before that point it was a regular cartoon that I had watching quite often, but I had lost a bit of interest in it that late into the show. Mostly anything after the second Rugrats movie. You'd think it would be from the addition of Kimi to the show, but I actually didn't mind her. I think I was just getting out of it.

During the last episodes I watched they introduced a new character to the cast, a teenage girl named Taffy. At the time I remember that I was confused at why she got so much screentime and was turned off. Recently I became curious and watched her introduction episode 'Happy Taffy'. Mostly out of some sort of sadistic reveling perhaps. 

Unlike the norm, when I look back at something and realize it wasn't that bad, Taffy was a lot worse once I re-watched the episode featuring her. 

Happy Taffy starts with Didi and Stu looking for a babysitter. When they can't find one, Grandpa and Lulu suggest that they hire her niece Taffy to babysit. They go listen to her at the bowling alley before she agrees to babysit, even when Didi is reluctant. The adults finally decide to test her by having her take the kids to the park. She also needs to practice singing for a gig her band got. Unfortunately, this spurs Angelica to keep singing horribly, and Taffy sings a song she suddenly makes on the spot, which is honestly pretty bad. 

Finally they get to the park and she loses Angelica while the babies play in the sand. The adults are meanwhile watching from the bushes. Taffy tries to make another song and the babies mistake her for being sad and try to cheer her with 'toys'. So they bring her trash, which she doesn't notice, and it inspires her to make a different song. The babies then play with the trash and the adults creepily stalk the scene instead of watching from a safe distance. It isn't as though she'll notice.

There's a Godfather parody, which isn't the first Godfather parody on Rugrats. They bring her ice, she sings again, and Stu takes the scene as Taffy doing something other than just sitting there. Angelica returns and sings until Dil throws a rattle at her. She yells at Dil, Taffy encourages the behavior, and then when Angelica continues Taffy stops and sends her away. After this Taffy does the first babysitter thing she's done this entire time and gives the babies juice boxes, then goes back to making another song.

When an old lady passes by the babies realize that they're cute... Or, well, they used to be. They come over and dance for her, Angelica too. When the adults see it they are relieved and Taffy is happy because her new song could be a 'hit'. She then walks off playing and the adults approach to announce her as the permanent babysitter. The babies are happy, Angelica keeps singing, Taffy is happy, and all is well.

...So where do I start? Firstly, Taffy screams of 'Cousin Oliver' syndrome, though without the breaking or ruining things. She's clearly being brought in to be 'cool with the hip kids'. What with her band and her guitar, and the fact that she's a teenage character period being brought into a show focusing on toddlers. The adults even refer to her as 'Teeny Rocker'. Rocker? Now that is a stretch. It's incredibly grating that they hammer it in so much. 

Especially with he slew of 'slang' words that I don't ever remember being popular; such as her calling the babies 'Minis' and her cry of 'Excel-licious!' It just feels a little too forced, especially considering that she doesn't do anything but sit around. She doesn't do anything for the babies or really for the adults, so it's not readily obvious why the show acts as though she is a great choice as a babysitter. We're supposed to like her singing and rocking (lacking) personality and forget her complete lack of actually being a babysitter. 

Also, I can't help but cringe whenever she sings. She actually doesn't sound good, regardless of how good she's supposed to be considering that she constantly gets jobs, and all of the lyrics in the episode are bad. I think that was the point, but 'Mini Shake', the last song in the episode, is just as poor as all of the other attempts. If Angelica's singing was a meta joke about the viewers feeling towards Taffy then well done, but I doubt it.

There's also a ton of Mary Sue traits hovering around her being. Not enough to stick her through the actual test. The entire music thing is clearly just leaking of trying to be cool, especially since she's: gifted with music, plays a guitar well, has a great singing voice, has a successful band, and creates (apparently) popular songs in only a matter of minutes. She's also practically loved by everyone as soon as she appears; the babies don't even care that their Grandpa is being replaced by some strange girl who doesn't do anything. 

Worst of all, the entire episode is basically about her. Instead of: the babies meet their new babysitter and learn how to adjust. The episode is: Taffy tries to write a song for her gig. The babies think she's sad and try to cheer her. Basically the babies are the main characters and yet don't do anything in the episode other than fetch items. 

So maybe it was a bad first episode. I decided to watch a second Taffy related episode to see if it was just a bad first impression. The second episode I watched was 'Who's Tammy?'

The episode starts with Didi and Stu getting ready. The babies cheer that Taffy is going to be coming to babysit and she appears. Tammy comes in depressed and the babies notice. Taffy sadly laments to Stu that her band might be breaking up. The other two members being named Tammy and Tabby- What? He sympathizes with her before getting his socks on to leave with Didi. 

Taffy sits on the couch and the babies notice she's upset. They leave the playpen and Kimi mentions that she might sing a song 'like she always does'... One of these writers was aware of the issue. Yet Taffy shocking decides not to. I also notice she now has a different guitar. The babies are worried and Angelica appears, still doing the guitar thing. They think she stole 'Taffy' from 'Taffy'. This is, remarkably, pretty slow for even the babies to assume. 

Taffy is flattered by Angelica dressing like her and even gives her a hair clip. This begs the question why she's been baically ignoring the babies until this point, as she's not depressed enough to keep from encouraging Angelica. Angelica agrees to be nice, and is nice to the babies which encourages their fear. They believe it's the hair clip and decide to get it back. Chuckie suggests they keep Angelica nice, which the others ignore even though it makes more logical sense. 

After a long feud they get it back and to Taffy, but they hear her yelling on the phone about not playing with 'dumb babies'. It's weird that she didn't use something more slang-filled or at least less childish. The babies cry, Angelica does stuff, and Taffy still isn't watching them. The babies decide to make Angelica mean again to reverse Taffy, who still is complaining on the phone. Angelica goes to give cookies to the babies, really intending to eat them herself.

The babies start asking a lot of questions and try to annoy her to death. Right as Angelica is about to slip, Taffy, who has a fish for some reason, gives her a look and she recovers the 'nice' persona. They then hide her little instrument and she searches until Tammy appears and she begs her to sing. Instead, Taffy has Angelica sing as she dances with the babies, having made up with her band.

So what can we now clarify about Taffy? Firstly, she's an awful babysitter. She spends most of her time ignoring the babies and instead either cooking or yelling on the phone. Her cooking dirties the kitchen and her sandwich dirties the floor. She calls Angelica out on her behavior, but won't even watch the kids for two seconds so it doesn't matter anyway.

This biggest problem is that whenever Taffy is in an episode she is the main focus of the episode. The babies always want to help her, she usually has troubles that the babies solve, everyone likes her (even Angelica), and the episode seems to cut away to her thoughts and comments as frequently as it can. This was the last season and why I don't think Taffy made it end I don't think it helped at all. With Dil and Kimi they both became parts of the show without changing the formula, but Taffy seems to clearly change things in a bothersome way.

Maybe I'm being too critical, but I know why the new character addition turned me away as a child, and this is why I consider Taffy a cringeworthy character.

Taffy: A.K.A. Teeny Rocker
Occupation: Another successful musician teenager in a band, she's even the lead.
Hobbies: Yelling on the phone, playing the guitar, writing poor songs, and ignoring 'minis'.
Native Language is 'Cool' gibberish.
Current state: Closed for business. 

Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night Review

Yes, you just read that. Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night. There's already a baffling confusion at the title alone. When did Pinocchio, a wooden puppet desperate to be a boy, ever face or even seem like the type to face an Emperor of 'night'? Apparently in this movie. Made by the same people who made 'Happily Ever After', a Snow White movie where Snow White looked more like Ariel than even Snow White.

The Review is at the end. This next section is sort of a once over of the plot.

The movie starts out in a bog where a bumblebee man is sleeping in his leaf home. Mind you he's fully dressed, but must sleep under a leaf. Suddenly a giant ship rolls in and opens to reveal...Well, the closest thing I could compare it to is a giant tapeworm. It rolls in with some carts and creates a giant carnival. Out of the ship steps an evil Ronald McDonald led by a booming voice, which may be the narrator whose gone rogue. The bumblebee man flees... The scene ends.

Suddenly we cut to a little house where inside an old man, assuming this is Geppetto, who is building something while his obvious ripoff of Tweety stands nearby. Soon afterwards Pinocchio comes drunkenly swaggering down the stairs and waltzes in. But something's amiss... Pinocchio is a real boy already, so this must be a sequel to A: the Pinocchio story, or B: Disney's Pinocchio movie... I'll give them the benefit of the doubt on this one...

It turns out Geppetto made a birthday cake for the boy. It has been a year since Pinocchio has become a real boy. They celebrate with a brief party and he wishes for his Fairy Godmother to appear. Though when she does appear he cries out in terror. Geppetto turns on the charm with his offering of cake, though the fairy turns him down and talks to Pinocchio about how far he's grown while the boy stares at her with a dazed look. After a five minute tangent the Fairy Godmother breaks into a song that I swear is one of the most generic 'love-based' songs I've ever heard.

She then warns that if he 'takes his freedom for granted' he may become a puppet... I thought the song was about love so why is the message freedom? Freedom is something that someone learns later on in life, not usually as a child. Besides, Pinocchio WAS free as a puppet. He just did silly things and trusted the wrong people, leading to himself being captured, so what he gained was 'responsibility and wisdom'. Not just 'freedom' alone.

Regardless, the Fairy Godmother leaves without answering any questions and creates life from a statue. Suddenly Geppetto realizes that he actually has a job and reveals a jeweled box that the mayor was to buy. Pinocchio asks to take it and Geppetto, whose obviously become too comfortable in the last year, willingly agrees. He also tells Pinocchio to stay away from the carnival as well. Apparently they live next to that massive bog.

...Or maybe the carnival actually isn't in a bog as he sees the carnival later nearby. Pinocchio, instead of doing the smart thing and delivering the package first, starts to the carnival. That's when the statue, puppet, bug thing comes to life. He accidentally names him Gee Willi- Gee because I cannot spell. He tells Pinnochio to get going and he STILL goes to the carnival, which is so amazing looking with its lack of details and single tent.

Suddenly we're shown a shady raccoon- flashbacks to the Disney film- who runs a three shell game while Abu steals gold out of baskets. Abu also talks, oddly enough. The people catch on to Tom Nook and Abu, but the two crooks manage to get away just in time. They run into the relatively unappealing and boring carnival. Hijinks ensue and eventually they crash onto Pinocchio whose surprisingly not killed. They then manage to get Pinocchio to trade the box for a fake jewel, ignoring that the box is a jeweled box.

Unsurprisingly, Geppetto is upset with the transaction, but then again he sent a one year old to carry a hunk of gold to the mayor. Pinocchio then decides to run away to the carnival so that he cannot hurt his father anymore... Therefore hurting his father even more. 

Now, they could've used another trope to somewhat make this more bearable. If the plot was that Pinocchio snuck out to the carnival to get the box back at least it would be a misguided attempt at responsibility. This is just Pinocchio running from his problems.

At the carnival he is introduced to Twinkle, a lifeless girl puppet, and Puppetino, the 'Woorld's Grea'est Poppet Mosstar'. You may know him as Ronald. Twinkle has a long song segment, but they make no suggestion that she's alive. Apparently Puppetino recognizes him after a year and a wood to skin change, and genius Pinocchio says he's been turned human by a fairy. Everyone in the audience suddenly vanishes as Puppetino actually buys the fairy tale, gets a giant set of lips, and taunts him using Twinkle.

He agrees to be a star, starts turning into a puppet, doesn't notice it, then does notice it, and then Puppetino turns him into a puppet using his... Music Box of doom... Hold on, I'm getting FNAF flashbacks again.

So Pinocchio is forced to be a puppet again and Gee takes after him with Bumblebee man after saving him. They fly and fly through the countryside and then are suddenly in the room. The fairy appears and talks about freedom, then brings him to life again. Pinocchio bluntly lies about what happened for absolutely no reason. She turns him back to a human.

Pinocchio starts home when he realizes he can stop and get the box- No! Pinocchio, I didn't mean now dammit! Now you should head home, now you've been turned into a puppet against your will, and now you're thinking of going back in?! So  Pinocchio's a liar, a drunk, and a moron. Great.

Geppetto finds Pinocchio gone and is saddened. Ironically enough, Pinocchio would have been home by time he came upstairs.

Pinocchio runs into Abu and Tom Nook who were scammed by Puppetino off screen and is tricked into helping them find the carnival from a picture of Twinkle who he knows isn't alive. Then Gee runs into bumblebee man- Wait a minute. Is the movie repeating itself? They head to the bug village where neither Pinocchio nor the Emperor of the Night are, so I'm just going to skip this incredibly drawn out scene.

Pinocchio is getting scammed by Tom and Abu, then the bugs return. Pinocchio saves Tom and Abu from a giant fish, then the bugs return. Finally they all meet up and Tom and Abu apparently have a change of heart and nearly crash the boat trying to stop Pinocchio whose so determined now that he's borderline insane, but mostly stupid, and they're swallowed by the... Ship? Which apparently the inside of is the Empire of the Night? Something along those lines.

Suddenly an evil gondolier approaches, I can't believe I wrote that. He has red, flashing eyes, the others know it is a trap, and yet Pinocchio AGAIN does something stupid and goes with him. With a big, dumb grin on his face he hops aboard. Yet Pinocchio's determination can't outlast slight temptation of flashing lights and generic music. He decides to ignore going to go after the box, this box that he nearly killed himself to get to, and goes to the place 'where dreams come true'.

Oh, I know what you're thinking, but it's not Disneyland. They would've been in a lot more hot water if it was.

Also, if this is a sequel to Pinocchio then this means it would be the second time he was tricked to a place where children get whatever they want with a price. At this point they should've just said that it was a remake of the original, because it's pulling all of the cards from that one... Except, you know, making any sort of cohesive sense.

Two minutes in the blurry and dark nightclub and Pinocchio gets drunk, and soon afterwards sobers on a stage where...Gee is suddenly there. There's a musical number as they tempt Pinocchio with being a star... Which apparently was his main goal in the movie and not the jeweled box. Now Tom and Abu are suddenly there as well, so I'm assuming they must have swam. So they dress in drag and jump on stage... Because, you know, becoming a different gender makes you unrecognizable?

So they fail and Puppetino appears, then so does the Emperor of the Night who, I'll admit, does look evil enough... Though I fail to understand why Puppetino and the Emperor really want this boy. Pinocchio doesn't do anything special at all and, other than once being a puppet, he's really not anything interesting... Also, the tone of this movie is all over the place. Looking at the Emperor and then looking at Pinocchio- These two concepts should not exist together.

The first smart thing Pinocchio asks is why they want him, but they just talk about the more recent contract he agreed to sign after the fun. Then they FINALLY reveal that they want him because he's the only puppet whose lived as a real boy, and that they know about the fairy, or maybe they found out when Pinocchio mentioned it. Then they drop him into puppet hell. Gee suddenly appears, confronts the Emperor, and is tossed out of the ship.

So apparently Abu and Tom are in the cage as well now- I guess their brilliant disguises didn't work- and Tom explains how the Emperor tricks people. Then he explains in a confusing twist that every time someone is tricked and loses freedom that it weakens the fairy and powers him. So that would mean that the fairy is the fairy of freedom? It seems like the moral would make more sense if it was 'will'. Instead of being free, being the ability to freely choose and be able to argue against temptation. They sound similar but are actually not; Pinocchio has fine freedom but a lack of willpower, and it would be his willpower and resistance to temptation that would keep him free. Ergo; willpower equals choice that triggers freedom.

Gee runs into the Bumblebee Man AGAIN. Seriously, what is going on here? Which of these two is outright stalking the other one? Regardless, Gee stands in the water for a few frames, and they hurry off.

The Emperor talks to Pinocchio who now clarifies that he just wants the box- No, that's not consistent anymore- and Tom offers himself and Abu for him. The Emperor refuses the offer and then says he'll let Pinocchio go, giving him the box, and revealing Geppetto inside... He's tiny, not a bunch of smooshed parts or anything. Now Pinocchio agrees to sign if he lets everyone go and makes his father big again. Though, again, it isn't like Geppetto is in immediate danger, he'll just be tiny for the rest of his life. Difficult, but not a death threat.

So he signs and then the Emperor goes back on his word. Pinocchio kicks Puppetino in the groin area, grabs his father, and then stands there with Tom and Abu who refuse to run. Puppetino grabs him again, but Pinocchio uses the awesome power of choice- which at this point he just shouldn't have signed period- and knocks him aside. Choice and freedom are blue, apparently. Pinocchio is apparently the only once with this power too and says they choose what happens... Indeed you do, son. You chose to make stupid decision after stupid decision.

The Emperor gets weakened by what is basically just saying 'no' over and over. The place starts to fall and Pinocchio grabs Twinkle instead of the jeweled box; yet another misjudgement of priorities, Pinocchio. They get to a door and instead of climbing atop each other to open it, Pinocchio... Lies his way into opening it? Even though that handle would've just slipped and refused to cooperate. They run through doors, talk a little, and then willingly throw themselves through a sealed door and are completely fine afterwards, not even a splinter.

They all jump overboard except for Pinocchio and the Emperor tries to kidnap Geppetto and is thwarted by two bugs. Can I even voice how pitiful this Emperor is? Actually, I can; Pinocchio gives a 'no', runs at the Emperor, and the Emperor is destroyed.

The next morning everyone awakens on the beach and Pinocchio has a 'protagonist seems dead but really isn't' moment. Abu makes out with him and Pinocchio celebrates being a real boy again. Then Twinkle appears and is actually a real girl now. I'm guessing she was a trapped girl or something, but she gets one line of zero character development and suddenly the fairy appears. The person who they basically saved and who has done absolutely nothing. She gives them the jeweled box and leaves again. Gee and Bumblebee flirt with each other and then they all head home.

So in the end, what did Pinocchio earn? Ten gold pieces, two con men, a girlfriend, and a couple of bugs. You probably are wondering if I missed something, like him now knowing he has a choice, and you see... That's the main problem with the movie. The moral of the story does not make sense. The moral is; you have choice and freedom and that it is valuable. Though what it should be is 'don't be stupid just because you can be'. Multiple times Pinocchio makes stupid decisions and doesn't ever really learn that they were stupid, as he keeps doing them.

Pinocchio himself is the biggest downside to me. He's learned the lessons in the original story and is still extremely foolish, not growing at all during the process of the story. His priorities change between getting the jeweled box, being a star, getting Twinkle, and more so fast that it is insanity. You can argue that children change their mind a lot, but this is not even in the same ballpark. Real boys and girls get scared once and become wary of the threat, but Pinocchio seems to forget everything he learns seconds afterwards. Such as, moments after being trapped as a puppet and escaping he decides to go right back in to find the jeweled box. What would've made more sense is if he went in for the box originally and on the way to escape and get home he ran into Tom and Abu, who managed to convince him.

You see, the moral would have worked BETTER if Pinocchio's problem wasn't silly choices, but was going along with others without making a choice. If that sounds familiar to the original story then, well, that's because it is. This movie takes a lot from the Disney adaptation as well.

Geppetto's a cool enough guy. The fact that he actually gets upset at Pinocchio when he loses the box is somewhat of a plus and you can see his distraught when the next morning his boy is gone. Though he doesn't get much screentime and how he gets captured is never explained.

Ironically enough, forced comic relief Tom and Abu are way more entertaining than Pinocchio. Most comic relief don't push the plot or help, just making jokes or even making things more difficult, but these two generally seem to be trying. They're not as daft as Pinocchio at least. It's also obvious that these two are based off of the Disney con-animals, and Abu is clearly based off of Abu. I think it's sort of a nice touch that they offer themselves for Pinocchio... Even though they should have bailed on him long ago.

The Emperor of the Night is a joke who doesn't have his priorities straight. There's a lot of inconsistencies; such as him saying Pinocchio would be his only puppet who was a real boy and yet later having Tom suggest that he's tricked other children... So they would be real too, right? Regardless, disagreement and refusal to cooperate kills him.

Puppetino is... Creepy towards the beginning, bland and uninteresting towards the end. Enough said.

I thought Bumblebee Man would replace the 'bug whose a conscious', but apparently there's him and Gee. While they have an interesting friendship, a lot of the time on them seems wasted as, in the end, neither really contribute anything. Pinocchio never listens to Gee and the two always just save each other. The only thing they do is grab Geppetto at the end, and that was only because of Pinocchio's incompetence.

I almost think Twinkle is a meta joke of some kind. Like when a female character has no personality or use other than being a love interest. Twinkle's personality is never shown because she's only alive at the end, yet she's one of the biggest plotpoints in the story. If she would've shown some sort of sentience beforehand, maybe a puppet like Pinocchio was who hadn't earned becoming real, then we could've seen a personality and a stronger drive to save her. As far as we see, she's a lifeless puppet who suddenly become a girl at the end. They could've cut some of the bug stuff for her character development.

So in the end, what do I rate the movie? With 10 as the best I've ever seen, 1 as the worst, and 5 as average I would give it probably a 4 or 4.5. It's not particularly a bad movie and has some interesting parts, but the moral, the bland music numbers, and Pinocchio himself set the movie back. If they would've changed a few things, shifted some character focus, and tweaked the moral slightly I would've enjoyed it more. It is a pretty silly premise, but it's not going to hurt your kids if they want to watch it. I didn't feel like I wasted time when it ended, but I did feel like I was getting dragged along at some scenes in the movie.

Also, I think it was more enjoyable than Happily Ever After, tapeworm carnival included. Drink up, Pinocchio! This round's on me!

Reviewing Facebook Games: (Candy Crush Soda, Cafeland, Cross Stitch World, Suburbia.)

Before you ask, no. I don't use Facebook for anything other than contacting distant relatives who I won't give my number out to. I only recently started to try games on it out of sheer boredom. Here are a few I tried:

Candy Crush Soda: Eh.

So maybe I just played the wrong game, but I decided to try out Candy Crush Soda today. I've heard of how much of a hit Candy Crush Saga became and how allegedly addicting it was, so it seemed fitting to try it when I found that I could play it on my laptop. After a few turns of playing and a few levels... I was incredibly underwhelmed by my findings.

On all account, Candy Crush Soda is a relatively alright puzzle game match three candies or special combos to break bottles or free bears, or whatever else the game will eventually offer, but the problem is that the game is rather standard. Having played a ton of match 3 games in my time I have no clue why this is so popular. It's... Fun, I guess, in short intervals, but I find myself getting bored after a few goes. I can't even empty my current energy before I'm ready to quit.

The difficulty on the game is basically 'luck'. No easy, no hard, just luck. Getting a good or bad hand is mostly what gets you through. Not much thinking is needed to get through a level and the success you get is a brief score and showing you reached the next level in the line. Little sort of reward of any kind and every moment I worked at a level I felt like I was just wasting time.

Not sure why everyone talks about how addicting this is. I had a harder time forcing myself to keep playing.

Cafeland: Plays itself.

At first I really thought Cafeland was a cute idle game that was relatively fun, but soon I realized that it lacks any form of time management. It's mostly a waiting game. Once you fill your counters with food there's nothing you can do except click tips off of tables and wait. The quickest food to finish takes ten seconds and has only ten servings, foods that take longer have more servings, but it baffles me seeing things like steaks that take ten hours to cook. It's sort of unbelievable.

The challenges quickly need you to make these longer dishes too. It doesn't help that they also can go bad; if you start a ten hour meal you better be back or it will spoil. Then you can buy a sauce to fix it, but the money system is- Well, bluntly, it all leads back to real money. You can buy some things with hearts, you can buy hearts with dollars, and you can buy dollars with real money.

More of a screensaver than a game. I may keep checking in, but I don't foresee it getting any better than this point.

Cross Stitch World: Actually Enjoyable

Maybe it's just me, but I actually found myself interested in the relatively uninteresting gameplay. It's sort of when you zone out doing a meager task; such as matching colored thread to spots to make a picture. It's quite slow and not for everyone, but I found that it eased any frustration or anxiety I had while doing it.

That being said, it can eat a lot of time, and a single crossstitch took about two hours when I went for fifteen minutes, stopped, and started again. There was also only about ten immediately offered patterns. There may be more, but I'm under the impression that you'd have to buy more. Unfortunately I don't think it would be fun to do the same one twice so I'm guessing there's actually a limit that I'd hit quicker if the cross stitch wasn't as long as it was.

Again, it is something that depends fully on the person playing, and I recommend playing while listening to something in the background or watching TV.

Suburbia: My Neighbor Ned

I was drawn in thinking it was like the Sims and, to my surprise, it actually really is. You uncover one of those 'scandalous' stories that you'll see involving any desperate housewife. While I normally am bored stiff of this sort of over-dramatic soap opera-like scenario, I found that I kind of liked the game. It basically feels like a big parody and it doesn't take itself very seriously.

Basically you become the owner of a rundown house gifted to you by a friend. Next thing you know, you're involved in the disappearance of a rockstar, a murder, and Ned 'Flanders' who constantly looks like he's yelling and is obsessed with his garden. All the while you can fix your house up as well.

There are some problems; later on energy gets eaten rather quickly. In one level you have to fix Ned's garden after he goes on a rampage. That means you need to fertilize the tulips eight times and water them eight times; all of which takes one energy. So no matter what you will have to stop playing and return later to finish it. Sometimes you will need items to complete a task; but thankfully you can search for them which wastes energy instead of actual money.

Yet at the same time it is frustrating to spam a high cabinet four to five times just to get a bowl of sugar that may not appear. It's also difficult when skills take so long to grow. Some will take one energy and then need thirty minutes to grow to the point where you can gather the experience from them. It just seems like the energy disappears very quickly, but it also seems to refuel quick enough. About five minutes a point and sometimes you can also collect energy from other means.

All in all, I do think I'll return to the game for a while. Less to discover the story and more just to try to see where the game will lead me; I don't expect any surprises but I do feel like I am enjoying myself well enough.


Well, that's it for now! I'll make another of these once I have found four more Facebook games worth mentioning!